Still struggling. Separated 9 months.

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This topic contains 1 reply, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  MonkeyMagic74 1 month, 1 week ago.

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  • #34133 Report

    DKL
    Participant

    Hello hope everyone’s doing ok.
    ive been separated 9 months now I have two daughters age 7-9. I see my girls 3-4 times a week most weeks and they sleep at mine 1-2 nights every week. I know that more than some get but im still really struggling with it. Before the separation I was there every single day, put them to bed and woke them up for school etc. Now I have a void in my heart and everyday I don’t see them it is killing me. I thaught as the time passed I’d get used to the routine but I just can’t stand to not be there. I want to kiss them goodnight and good morning everyday and just be around whenever they need me.
    this post isn’t about anything really I just felt that writing this down may make me feel better.
    I don’t know if it’s depression or simply heart break but it’s certainly taking a toll on me.
    I’m rather good at pretending everything’s fine, until of course I come home to my empty house and close the door behind me.

    Hopefully next year brings some better times.

    #34136 Report

    MonkeyMagic74
    Participant

    Aw mate, I have totally been there.  I had to adjust to seeing my girl 3.5 days a week instead of 7 and it was AWFUL for a long time, but the following really helped:

    – transcendental meditation, twice daily

    – a determination to change my thinking from ‘I miss my daughter + being a single parent is really hard’ to ‘I have 3.5 days of child-free wife-free autonomy and freedom + I have 3.5 days of quality time with my girl.’  That deliberate change of thinking made me feel pretty lucky overall, even though it was still hard.

    – time.  I got used to it in the end.

    Then when she started school I had to get used to seeing her for 2 days instead of 3.5.  That took a while too, but I got there.

    Now the new challenge is my ex is trying to force me to accept every other weekend instead of EVERY weekend.  I can’t accept that.  Will it ever end?

    Best of luck,

    MonkeyMagic74.

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