Steroid abuse ended my marriage and turned him into a monster.

Home Online forum Gingerbread Forum Steroid abuse ended my marriage and turned him into a monster.

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  • #39865 Report

    MummyJu
    Participant

    My husband has been abusing steriods and as a result of this his ego went massive he started becoming nasty with me putting topless pictures up on social media making Snapchat accounts without me on them but also deliberately breaking the boundaries with his stepchildren my own children for example giving my daughter cigarettes behind my back and she’s only 14 this lead to a massive row and then he left saying he doesn’t want to be with me anymore and he’s going to buy his own house. It’s been over a month now and we have a 4 year old son together he is constantly making life hard such as not giving me money turning up to two hours late for contact bragging to my older children how much money he has and how happier he is now. Iv been left heartbroken and physically and mentally drained with his behavior will it get easier or will he continue to play these games 😢.

    #39875 Report

    Adam79
    Participant

    Hiya MummyJu

    Sorry to hear about the situation you’re in. The changes in character are part and parcel of steroid abuse, so if he’s continuing to use them, I would say in the short term, his behaviour will remain the same. But your ability to cope with it will improve. You’ve a lot of upset and unrest to contend with at the moment, you will gain strength though.

    A good friend of mine was abusing steroids for years, and it had a very similar effect on his relationship with his partner. I even gave him a wide berth for a while because he became very obnoxious, short tempered and antagonistic. But in the long term, it didn’t last forever. He stopped using them eventually, his attitude changed and hes more or less back to the lad I knew before.

    Obviously I can only comment from the experience I’ve had, so with any hope, it will be completely different in your case and he’s just being temporarily difficult because he feels his nose is being put out of joint. I’m not saying thats how it is, just perhaps how he sees it. It definitely sounds like you’re getting the thin end of the wedge, I do hope it improves for you though.

    Take care

    #39881 Report

    MummyJu
    Participant

    Thank you Adam I didn’t really know anything about steriods before all this. Yes he is continuing to take them has even gone as far as got 8 weeks worth of steriods so he had no intention of coming off them. The constant bragging is so difficult especially as we are suffering but hopefully like you said I will learn to cope with it better as time goes on. He always suffers with depression so he has a lot of issues going on.

    #39882 Report

    Bunnyhop
    Participant

    Im sorry but no this is not acceptable nor is it somethimg you should have to tolerate. Your ex partner is not treating you with any kind of respect that you deserve and witholding money from you is financial coercion and thats a form of abuse. At the end of the day that money is supposed to provide for the kids so he is basically making them suffer too. As for him giving your 14 year old daughter cigarettes – not only is that undermining you as her mother but that is purposely giving your daughter an addictive substance illegally due to her age which is disgusting behaviour. Yes she may go find a way to get them anyway but he should in no way be making it easier for her or encouraging the habit. I know steroids can have a massive impact on moods etc but I dont believe this behaviour can entirely be blamed on the steroids themselves, sounds to me more like his true personality is beginning to show now that he has the confidence. Obviously thats just my speculation though as I don’t know the guy personally. You do not have to put up with this and you shouldn’t put up with it. What kind of an example is that setting to your children? Would you want them to be treated like that or treat someone like that? Cause if the answer is no then you need to take action. Just cause this guy is on steroids doesnt give him an excuse or justification for this behaviour. Put your foot down and tell him that if it continues then you will take action to protect yourself and the kids from his harmful behaviour. You’re within your rights to do so. Tell him he needs to get help to deal with his problems for the sake of the kids and ask him what is more important – his roids or his kids? If this doesnt shock some sense into him then you need to seek some help perhaps from some kind of womens aid charity or maybe even a steroid abuse suppprt group who may be able to give you some more accurate info and advice as to what you can do in this situation. I would also speak to a solicitor about him breaking the contact arrangements and witholding money. I hope this offers you some help and Im sorry you are going through this but as I said his steroid use does not excuse his behaviour and you should not have to endure it. Be strong and dont feel you have to put up with any of that inexcusable behaviour. Stay safe

    #39884 Report

    MummyJu
    Participant

    Thank you bunny hop I think I will have to get in touch with a solicitor as he changes daily what he will and won’t do. He has made a choice and has said he will not give up the steriods even though he has been away from his family for a month now. Yea the cigarette thing really upset me as he is also teaching my daughter to lie to me as he told her not to tell me he still to this day sees no wrong in it saying he’s a smoker and knows how hard it is to go without a cigarette. I have been left heartbroken as I really did believe we had the perfect family and a good marriage but I have seen a completely different side to him now and he has said some unforgivable things to me as well so I am hoping as time goes on I will become stronger and stop letting all these games he plays get to me. Thanks for your reply.

    #39885 Report

    Bunnyhop
    Participant

    MummyJu I wasnt in the same circumstances as yourself, my ex was not on steroids, but I know what its like to have the dream of the perfect family ripped apart.  Thats a hurt that takes a long time to get over. Sometimes I dont think we can ever truly know someone no matter how much we think we do. Some people are very good at keeping a part of themselves hidden and although we may see little glimpses of it, it can still come as a huge shock when they reveal their true selves. But at the end of the day the kids should be the priority in all of this which Im sure is the case for you but if he isn’t willing to do that then thats something he’s going to have to answer for when they get older and start seeing things for themselves and asking questions. But you can and should take measures to stand up for yourself and your kids and what you are entitled to. He has to pay for his biological child whether he sees the kid or not. And seeking advice from a solicitor may help you figure out what your rights are and give you the confidence to take the next step. All the best

    #39899 Report

    Adam79
    Participant

    Hi again

    You’re welcome MummyJu. Taking steroids can and does definitely alter a persons psyche, I’ve seen it first hand, particularly if it isn’t being done responsibly. And even if done properly changes them. Its a dump of additional synthetic testosterone into the system, which in turn creates a hormonal imbalance, and it definitely has an effect on a persons character. I’m not saying for a second that this excuses his behaviour or actions, nor should you put up with them. It does sound like he needs some help, not from you, professional help. If he was depressed in the first place, he may have taken them as a way of feeling better, and in the short term that may be the case. But another side effect is lows can get lower. It doesn’t sound like hes in a mindset to actually listen to any advice though at the moment, so I wouldn’t bother mentioning it.

    Either way, he should certainly be providing for his kids, and not be giving you the run around so you do right seeking advise from a solicitor. Keep a close eye on his behaviour, and if theres a hint it’s starting to become more volatile, don’t hesitate to inform the police. He sounds like hes definitely being psychologically abusive as it is, at least hes not in the house any more. I know it’s a horrible thing to hear those type of things coming from the mouth of someone you’ve shared feelings with, but sharing these things, arms them with the means to say the most hurtful of words because they know they’ll hit the mark. He’s maybe trying to put everything on you because he can’t or doesn’t want to look at his own failings, hopefully he will dare to look at some point.

    #39904 Report

    MummyJu
    Participant

    Thank you Adam that reply made a lot of sense and I think the reason he has so much anger and hatred towards me is because he can’t face up to his own failings you saying there has helped me see it like that thank you. I know I can’t help him as he has to help himself first and he’s made it clear he doesn’t want to do that yet.

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