Staying over night!!

[Hayley17Participant]

My sons dad chose not to have his son over night from a year old, my boy is now 7 and his dad has now decided he wants over night contact. Which my son is saying no too. But dad is saying it must happen, any advise, I really don’t want my boy to feel uneasy. 

[KathymumofoneParticipant]

You could email him, timed & dated explaining your son’s distress and suggest a gradual “getting to know” period to build the relationship back up again.

Try to get that in process so the court can see you have tried to be reasonable, and then let him take you to court!  I bet he won’t because you have been entirely fair.

[SOLOMUMMYParticipant]

Has he had contact in the day since young? Has he had one day’s contact or more than?

 

[Hayley17Participant]

He has had him in the day but always brought him home at bedtime as he “needed a life”

[KathymumofoneParticipant]

So he “needed a life” and that was ok, but now your child needs some reassurance and that isn’t!   Let me guess, he has a girlfriend and wants to demonstrate how he’s such a great dad.

Can you suggest that he does bedtime routine at yours a few times – bath, story etc – and he might try asking his child to chose bedroom stuff for his house – Dinosaur duvet, night light, pjs etc.

Or you could just tell him NO (tempting)  but that might not be responsible in the long run 🤔

[SOLOMUMMYParticipant]

Ok. Given he’s had regular contact and your son is seven, if this went to court then overnights would probably be awarded. Against that backdrop I’d try to facilitate a scenario where both your sons needs are met and overnights occur.

• I’d speak to your son as to why he doesn’t want overnights. Does he ever have overnight stays anywhere?
• does he generally have a positive relationship with his dad?
• fron your side, how you manage this is most important. Your son may feel allegiances to you and so doesn’t want to go as you maybe upset etc. So use positive language etc.
• Get the dad to let your son help decorate his bedroom. Choose the decor etc. But new duvet. Buy pyjamas. Basically make this exciting.
• im not sure how long contact currently is but in the run up try extending contact. So fit example Friday night dinner then home, then back out Saturday for breakfast and full day. So everything but the sleep is incorporated. Eg even say showering at dads before coming home.
• get an agreement that if he wants to speak to you he can but if you think speaking to you as a set thing will make it harder then maybe not unless distressed . Any comfort toys etc to go with him.
• if you did the above and dad has weekly contact, sleep over would be in about six weeks. However once overnights happen then you need to let him know that these will be every other weekend as you’ll have the other as your quality weekend.

 

I hope irs because he wants a stronger relationship with your son but know many opt for overnights as it reduces maintenance.

[Hayley17Participant]

Thank you for all your help. I hunk asking him to do the bedtime routine at my house is a great idea, it’s getting my son to say yes he’s happy to sleep is my aim. Is dad is saying he will just force him into sleeping. I would feel better with my son being happy and making it his decision to stay. A perfect world would be lovely lol

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