Stay where I am or move?
20 April 2019 at 4:35 am #23893
I have a difficult decision to make and I would like to ask for some advice. I have been single parent for the last 3 years. I originally asked advice here when I split with my ex and since then I have found a great job and have had a very warm and caring nanny to look after my son
I don’t work long hours and have long holidays (university), so me and my son (10 years old) get a lot of time to spend together. The problem is that we live abroad. I am starting to think it would be a good idea to move nearer to them however I would not be able to get work like I have now which would provide everything that we need and give me as much free time with my son.
My ex is basically a chocolate fire guard, so we have made our relatively happy life on our own. However, we are far away from everyone. Any advice is appreciated on whether to move back or stay.
Thanks20 April 2019 at 5:02 am #23894
Sorry, when I said move nearer to “them” I mean my family in England.20 April 2019 at 7:56 am #23902
I think that many aspects of the situation need to be considered:
- Is your child in a British/international school? So if remained at some point could return to uk with recognised qualifications for work or study if you stay?
- If moving, would it be best to move when due to start secondary education? So presumably if ten that would be 2020 which gives you lots of time to prepare.
- Where do your family live? In real terms, how much more contact would you have with them if they’re busy living their lives, both working etc and really by then have an increasingly independent near teen. Is it the idyllic view you have of being around family or realistic? (I live very close to family, and we’re very close as a family if you know what I mean, but not between work, school runs, housework and other responsibilities there are times when we could go weeks not seeing some members as they’re juggling the same.)
- Could family visit you more? Even stay for extended times? You visit them more?
- Have you considered the likelihood of finding work, that would meet your needs financially etc. Whether they offer and flexibility etc? Bearing in mind again that so easy of the flexibility you currently have may not be as required moving forward as your son will inevitably want you less and be more independent with friends etc……
I have a very flexible position. Like you I previously was within the education sector and generally it isn’t that flexible for employees as other sectors can be.
In your position I think that I’d enjoy what you have at least until secondary education, then decide based on what’s actually best educationally for your child. If where you see offers the most for him, then I would ensure that you plan in lots of family trips etc. If the UK offers the best for him, by that point the real need for such great flexibility work wise will be reducing so hopefully a reasonable position could be found.
Hope that helps.20 April 2019 at 8:15 am #23903
Wow, that was a great response. Thank you very much. We go back quite a lot ( around 3 times a year) and my son goes to a British school here,so the curriculum is exactly the same as the UK. I agree that I would not see my family all the time if I went back to England , but then the advantage is we (or I) would not feel we are away from everyone. Either way, you brought up some great things to think about.
Thanks for for your advice.20 April 2019 at 9:44 am #23907
Glad it helped.
Have a lovely Easter.20 April 2019 at 10:00 am #23909
Thanks. Same to you.20 April 2019 at 9:27 pm #23939
Wow Solomummy smashed it outta the water with her response.. So I’ve not got much to add.
But I do understand that being close to your family here in the uk would mean that in times when you need emotional support they’d actually be able to see you which is so much more than a phone call or face time. Or if you just wanted to pop round with your son for a cuppa tea or Sunday lunch or impromptu family events that you dont get to be involved in living abroad. These are memories that mean so much and are priceless.
Helps build a person’s foundation for having a sense of self. Bonds of love and support from family which are actually with you and not on the phone.
I understand what you mean. Have you tested the water with your son. Put feelers out to him. May be a social story. Help him understand and talk about it.
You never know he may want to have family around him close by.
☺21 April 2019 at 3:09 pm #23966
Thanks for the advice. My son is happy to stay here and also like England.