South Staffordshire single parent

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  • #52632 Report

    Shimmy
    Participant

    Hi

    I’m a single mum of three children. The youngest being 3yrs old, a teenager and young adult. (I started young lol) The age gap between the children makes me feel like I’ve started over.
    I work full time so I find it difficult to connect with other parents with children of a similar age group to the 3yrs old. For play dates or just to chat. COVID also put a spanner in the works!
    The few friends I do have are all happily married so I sometimes feel like the outsider.
    I have a difficult relationship with my estranged husband who doesn’t want to divorce. And reluctant to pay for anything. The father of youngest doesn’t have any contact. I feel like that friend who gets invited round for dinner (pre-pandemic) they ask me how things are going I play it down in fear of over burdening them.
    Can anyone relate ?

    #52636 Report

    Helen26
    Participant

    Hi Shimmy,

    I hope you are well.

    I know what you mean about feeling like the outsider sometimes. I have a good friend but we have very different backgrounds and home lives (she too is happily married) and I am a single Mum of a 2.5 year old and a 7 year old.

    Covid has put a spanner in the works too hasn’t it to meet people in a similar situations.

    I am in South Staffordshire to so if ever you want to chat to someone please feel free xxx

    #52643 Report

    Shimmy
    Participant

    Hi Helen26,

    Thank you! That would be great.
    I was really hesitant about joining a forum. But I’m so glad I took the plunge. It’s nice to communicate with people who understand. I’ve went through seasons of feeling so ashamed, guilty, lost and lonely. When friends or family would ask how’s it going? Is everything ok? At first I would try and open up then I could see them be really sympathetic as time goes on they stop asking or think you should be over this by now. So I stopped- put on the act of having it all together. I could see people felt more comfortable with it. I started to get invites again.
    I finally had to admit to myself that I’m not superwoman, I find it hard, tiring and draining. I can’t catch all the balls I’m juggling and that’s ok.
    The children are thriving and you are allowed to take a breathe and be kind to myself.

    #52647 Report

    Leader1978
    Participant

    I can relate to what you are going through; however, the best way forward is to talk to friends and family as to how you are feeling.  Blocking it up will inevitably lead to a situation where you become overwhelmed, this isn’t good when you have to raise three kids.

    Feel free to connect if you ever need a chat.  Stay positive.

    #52650 Report

    Shimmy
    Participant

    Thanks Leader1978

    Would be great to connect.

    #52652 Report

    Helen26
    Participant

    I’ve 100% felt all those things that you’ve just said. I then became conscious that I didn’t want to be the person that nobody wanted to ask how they was because my honesty might make them uncomfortable or like you say make them think you should be over it by now. I also didn’t want people thinking they didn’t want to ask because there was always something wrong.

    Joining this forum has certainly helped me to realise that I’m not on my own though, which is really helpful. I don’t know about you, but I’m like to carve a little life out for myself too though, which Covid doesn’t help with, since it’s harder to meet friends or go anywhere. I think it’s just the evenings really when it’s a bit lonely on your own.

    You’re right be aren’t super woman, and it’s ok to not always be ok, but I think we have to be proud of ourselves too, as all parents should be, that our children are all  happy.

    Like Leader 1978 said, it’s good to talk, and as someone who gets it, feel free to get in touch xx

     

     

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