Sorting out contact around shifts

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  • #57453 Report

    PurpleNebula84
    Participant

    I am so at a loss and I can’t even know where to begin.

    I am in the process of separating from my partner and we have a 4.5 year old child together. We are not married. We’re both in the process of buying our own houses but are still currently in the same house.

    I have for the last 4.5 years been the primary care giver and worked part time. Earlier this year I was able to increase my hours to almost full time by changing role, with a reluctant agreement from him to pick up our child from childcare 3 days a week out of a 3 week rota. This role is now coming to an end and I will be going back to my old role which is a shift pattern of 6 on (2 earlies, 2 lates, 2 nights) and 4 off.

    He has since said that he wants 50/50 contact, but when I have presented him with my rota his response is “I don’t have to work around your work anymore, just around mine” – which I do get to a degree, but think it’s also fairly shortsighted if he is looking to co-parent to that extent.

    I’m in a right mess, I’m supposed to be submitting a flexible working request and I can’t because I have no idea if he will support it or if I can in fact rely on him. My previous rota was on the basis that he could never commit to picking up and sometimes starting earlier than childcare starts. I also can not afford to drop to the level I was on previous as it’ll reduce my income significantly. He seems to think that anything more than over 3/4 weeks is too complicated for him to work out.

    What on earth do I do?

    #57455 Report

    PurpleNebula84
    Participant

    Just to add, the new rota is a 10 week rota.

    #57458 Report

    steve3334
    Participant

    hi,

    as your aware changing shift work makes childcare arrangements very complicated. In your position I would seek another role where the hours are more regular. but as you get 10 weeks rota, then sounds like your ex is being unreasonable if he’s saying childcare is unworkable. maybe you could start by suggesting having kids every other weekend. then adjust when your rota changes.

    #57459 Report

    PurpleNebula84
    Participant

    The rota is a set 10 week rota. There are no changes to it unless you change roles.

    Every other weekend won’t work as weekend work is involved too. With no support close by, working a late shift or night shift is impossible as childcare on a weekend is next to non existent…. This is part of the problem ๐Ÿ™ˆ๐Ÿ™ˆ

    He does only work Mon to Fri.

    #57475 Report

    steve3334
    Participant

    I see. shift work would not work for me either, especially as I have an unreasonable ex. I used to do regular 9-5 full-time. went self-employed as employers cried about me doing school runs.

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