Soon to be EX wife suffering from paranoia and anxiety – No Access to my kids

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  • #37248 Report

    devondad
    Participant

    My soon to be ex wife started showing signs of paranoia wich escalated over the years ending in a very acrimonius divorce. Im in the middle of it, struggling to see my kids. She started the divorce out of the blue, in fact told the 2 children before telling me.

    Has anyone else had to deal with paranoia, love to understand if it goes away once divorced, and how you managed with access to kids.

    Its even gone as far as my ex wife accusing me of abusing my daughter, all investigated by Social Services and the Police and no case to answer. But what is this doing to my 2 children?

    I previously enjoyed a fab relationship with them, and i am lucky to have amazing memories.

    But i cannot get to see my daughter, ex wife is not responding to my 2 lawyers, 1 about financials and divorce, 1 about the abuse allegation and trying to obtain a court order for access.

    I truly believe that my ex is not being nasty or vindictive. She actually believes this and many other bizare events have taken place. Some of it is in the divorce petition. I have tried to force the health issue and it resulted in me being accused of emotional abuse.

    Lawyers are fab, but its taking months and lots of cash i could otherwise spend on the kids, and all this time i cannot get to see my daughter and my son doesn’t seem interested in seeing me ether.

    They are close to mom, shes not telling them anything, i’m trying to be the ‘Big Man’ and do things right. I’m nearly at the end of my teather. I try to think about what i would do in her shoes, i would encourage them to see her, but i’m not sure she is thinking straight.

     

    HELP

    #37265 Report

    Spectraviolet
    Participant

    Hi,

    I notice you mention that your wife suffers from paranoia and anxiety. Is this a medical diagnosis? An acrimonious divorce is likely to make this condition worse, if that is the case. If you are able to act as calmly as possible then it may defuse the situation. You may even want to try mediation. I fear you are correct in your view that you will be throwing a lot of cash at this for a long time. You mention the lawyers are “fab”. They are paid to act in your interest. They will be very happy to continue to take your money for as long as you have any to spend on this. If your wife has any money, the lawyers will be only too happy to take all she has to act in her best interests.

    You are asking for help from this site. You are getting help from your lawyers, so I take it you are looking for some other form of help. As no-one who sees your comments could possibly know the full details you will simply get an opinion, maybe based on someone’s experience.

    The advice I would give to you would be to look at the only thing you now have in common – your children. I am assuming that both you and your wife believe you have their best interests at heart. So now is the time to work together so that the children have the benefit of you both in a positive way. Try building something, not tearing something down. Use “positive” words rather than “negative”. Keep to “facts” not “emotion”.

    Your children have had access to two parents. This will continue to be the case unless one destroys the other. Because in the end, everyone suffers.

    I am not certain what you were hoping to hear. But I would suggest you make a care plan for your children in which you put in as many resources as you can. The more you can do for them the more they will realise you care for them, in spite of what is said about you. And it is always good to remember that being a single parent is hard work. Your support for your wife, especially if she has mental health issues, is going to make life easier for your children and for yourself. I do not know the age of your children, but I can tell you from experience, that one day they will be adults and they will decide whether they want to see you or not. How you act now will be fundamental in achieving a good relationship with them in the future.

    I hope at least some of this will be helpful to you.

    Best wishes to you and your family.

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