Son left to live with his dad, but i have the court order in my favour

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  • #44681 Report

    lisslincs
    Participant
    1. hi all, im after a bit of support and advice please.
    2. I have had custody of my son for 13 1/2 years,  I always let him visit his dad, share holidays etc. His dad never paid maintenance,  did everything to avoid it, so arrears are in place.
    3. After all these years and gettinv my mp to step in, they have took £100 of him, he has now put a claim in against me.
    4. I’m broken, I’ve not seen my son for a year, he has every excuse going, however i believe it to be his dad.
    5. I’m still dint have my absolute after all these years either, so instructed a solicitor to proceed.
    6. I mentally can’t cope with all that’s going on, I dont kniw where to turn.
    7. I’m scared of losing the home I grew up in , and owned before the ex came along too
    8. I’ve shut myself off from everyone, so no one to talk too, ive not even gone to work as I cant stop crying or face people.
    9. I dont have any fight left in me after all these years of being bullied & controlled by the ex

    Please can anyway help get me through this, has anyone had the situation to deal with .

    Thanks for reading

    #44696 Report

    Hi Lisslincs

    Thanks for posting on our forum.  I’m sorry you are feeling like this.  You have described a very difficult situation and I am hoping there will be other parents here who have had similar experiences.  If you have recognised that you are crying every day then I would recommend that you contact your GP to chat with them about how you are feeling.  I will also list some other agencies that you can contact if you are feeling that things are on top of you.  I hope it won’t be too long before others start chatting with you.

    https://www.giveusashout.org/  TEXT SHOUT 85258  It is a 24 hour 7 day a week 365 day a year crisis text service, delivered by Mental Health Innovations.  A team of trained volunteers support anyone in crisis (texter is phone based, volunteer on a computer), and the aim is to help the person in crisis identify coping strategies and get them from a hot place of crisis, to a cool calm place where they can safety plan.

    •Samaritians – 116 123 The Samaritans are open 24/7 365 days a year – call 116 123 to talk to a listening volunteer about anything (they do not advise and signpost) https://www.samaritans.org/

    • Mind’s Elefriends forum is an anonymous 24/7 forum with an app, to talk about whatever you want to a highly supportive, lively online community: https://www.elefriends.org.uk/

    • SANEline – 0300 304 7000 SANE’s freephone helpline is open 16.30 – 22.30 everyday on 0300 304 7000 to talk about how you’re feeling http://www.sane.org.uk/

    Hope this helps, Justine

    #44707 Report

    lisslincs
    Participant

    Thank you  for the message.

    Its so difficult to do everything on my own, and know what is best to do.

    My head is that full , I cant and don’t know how to put things in order of what to do for the best, or what to do first.

    Every little thing is such major issue .

    I don’t seem to get a break from it all.

    I’m going to have to go through the courts again, which terrifies me.

    I’ve been taking days of work, not getting out of bed.

    Its all too much.

     

    #44715 Report

    BecksandB
    Participant

    Hi Lis, just new here. I have explicit experience from the family courts through my situation and keen to engage with you to help break down of the fear you are having around the idea of re-visiting it (which is within your control also). Can I ask why you haven’t seen your boy for a year? Is he close? What conflicts have come up other than the big bad buck! ££ have you explored any other conflict resolutions? Also, do you understand the Lives With Terms of your long standing order especially if in place for so long? I hear boys hit that age and suddenly can have a very strong father complex either positively or negatively. Is he just hero worshiping his Dad right now and perhaps something you can get on board with and share or is it parental alienation? I’ve asked many questions as I’ve been in your place. Utterly overwhelmed and scared and tired and not knowing where to start and solicitors and courts and it’s suffocating. I had to invest in tools learned within CBT therapy (online self referral available through NHS site.) it is simple stuff but it works! Isolate the fear, the issue, and then break down your way out. Happy to email to help more, also sleep and eating well. Becks x

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