Son hates my boyfriend and controls my life

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    Happyfarmer
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    Hi

    I was divorced from my sons Dad 14 yrs ago and have since had a couple of relationships but never found the right one, but my eldest son will always try to destroy any relationship I have.  He is now nearly 18 and throughout his life he’s played the hard done by child with parents not being together!  Making me feel very guilty.  He really struggled through school, but now loves being an apprentice tree surgeon with his uncle, (who he thinks can do no wrong, but he is not a good influence – very selfish and a male chauvinist).

    I met my partner 2 and half years ago and he is the man for me, but yet again my son is destroying us.  He was still at school when I met my partner and going through his GCSE’s and was very difficult to live with, (argued about everything making my life hell). My partner tried to support me at a tough time and my son didn’t like it at all.  Now my son lives with my parents during the week as it’s easier for work and comes home at weekends.  My partner lives 40minutes away so we only get to see each other at weekends for one day (as he has his children one day each weekend) and my son won’t speak to him when he visits, creates an atmosphere and makes snide comments.

    I have a younger son of 15 who gets along just fine with my partner.  My eldest doesn’t go to his Dad’s on a regular basis anymore, although he does see him still. My youngest goes to his Dad’s alternate weekend.

    Basically my son is jealous of any relationship I have – even with his brother, and he’s been controlling my life for too long.  Now I’ve met the man I want to spend the rest of my life with I have to make some changes.

    Is it ok to tell my son that his behaviour towards my partner is not acceptable and until he bucks his ideas up he can’t come home at the weekend if my partner is here? – he could stay with my parents or go to his Dad’s? He does drive now and has his own car.

    I also struggle to visit my partner at his house because I feel guilty leaving my son because I only see him at the weekends too! but he his old enough to look after himself and needs to take responsibility as an adult.

    How to get rid of the guilt?

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