Son does not want to see dad anymore

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    Mummy80
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    Hi , my 6 year old has recently been diagnosed with ASD. It’s been a real struggle the past year to get him to go to his dads once a week . Now he literally lashes out when he knows it’s time to go and it takes me around  2 hours to talk him down enough for him to go. He calls me all the time he is there that he wants to come home and when he does he is so exhausted because of all the meltdowns he has had. Because there is a court order in place which was made when he was 6 months old,  I really dont know what to do. Its having a massive impact on both myself and son mentally now.  Any advice would be great thanks

    #39336 Report

    Lisasinglemum
    Participant

    Hello, I’m not sure if this will help at all but I am similar but with no court order.

    My boy who’s now 7 had total meltdowns at the thought of seeing his dad from the age of 6. Before that he had mixed feelings about seeing him from about 5, so it had been building for a while.

    I spoke to his dad and tried to explain what was happening my side and the state our son was getting into, obviously he didn’t understand and it was all my fault of course, but I decided it wasn’t good for my son to be emotional drained and cry himself to sleep like he was so I stopped visits for a short period. (3 weeks) A trail period to cool off.

    Again, I am lucky that his dad really isn’t the parenting type so he didn’t fight against it but it has worked a bit. My boy now has had time off from him and to think and is now saying he doesn’t mind his dad coming over again soon. Although I know it’s a vicious circle and it will all happen again anyway.

    We haven’t needed a court order so I don’t know that side or how understanding your ex is to work with you.. Maybe until after lock down? Then introduce slowly again with a few bribes on your side.

    I felt pulled two ways.. Is my boy old enough to make his own decisions or will he regret it? Is it fair on his dad even though he was the cause of the meltdowns?

    I just keep thinking that when my boy looks back when he’s older I want him to feel I did all I could to do things right and keep his dad in his life for as long as possible.

    Although I’m not exactly the same as you, I know what it’s like to be stuck in the middle xx

     

     

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