Son asking about dad

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  • #13520 Report

    LAG87
    Participant

    Any helpful advice welcome… my 3 year old has recently started asking about where his dad is and I’m not sure what to do, I’m honest with him and say he lives far away. We separated on his part as soon as we found out we were expecting and he was very clear from then he wanted nothing to do with him. Fast forward 9 months he saw him 2 or 3 times and would disappear for months on end. Due to that I cut the very limited contact we had, he now lives & works in Pakistan. There’s no love lost between us, I just want to do the right thing by my son. I’m not sure at 3 he’s at an age where he can make an informed choice about me contacting his dad but it’s sad to hear him ask and not have any answers for him…

    #13524 Report

    Gingey28
    Participant

    Hello yes tricky one. My Dad never wanted to know me so my Mum just told me the truth when I was older I think. I’m in same position, I have a 9month old and his dad never wants to know well denies he’s the father. I will tell my son the truth if he asks.

     

    Your decision on how you tell your son and he may not understand fully until he is older but he is aware if other kids have Dad’s around he will wonder

    #13557 Report

    xxx
    Participant

    Honesty Is probably the best policy. Eventually they will know the truth and it’s best they don’t think back and realise you lied at any point. You can tell them limited info when they are little. And more later. And you can admit you don’t know everything.

    Eg your father lives in another country. He wanted to move away I don’t know why. Maybe one day he will live in England again but I don’t know.

     

    Your child will have questions but they are not your responsibility to answer they are your ex responsibility. So don’t feel obliged to majestic up answers you don’t speak for your ex you can say you don’t know why.

    My kid is aware of not having a dad but I focus on what we do have in our family. And that some other families have even less than us. Every family us different.  Every family can be great. If it’s just you and him and you are happy and love each other then that’s great. Maybe there are others you can include in your family identity like grandparents aunt uncle or even close friends. Kids go through a faze of comparing and wanting what they dont have. Or just noticing differences. I try and point out all the great things about our family.

    All the best x

    #13558 Report

    LAG87
    Participant

    That’s really sensible advice, thankyou. what’s been hard recently is my son is becoming aware that he’s skin colour is different to mine (I’m white) and when England have been playing he’s been going up to the screen and pointing at one of the black players and saying that’s my dad 🙁 heartbreaking to watch, I will def take your points on board thankyou x

    #13597 Report

    xxx
    Participant

    Little ones say loads of heartbreaking stuff without meaning to. Try not to take it all too personally or to be too sensitive. Because you are sensitive about the subject you take it to heart when you hear him make comments like that. But if you think about it toddlers say stuff like I wish I lived in this house (somebody elses) I wish this was our car I wish I had one of those… about stuff all the time and don’t really mean anything by it. Just stay positive.  It does hit hard but try and rise above and just carry on being an awesome parent who is actually a parent and not an abandoner.  You have a lucky boy xxx

     

    And if I was dealing with that comment I would have laughed and said aww it’s not your daddy but he does look like that doesn’t he. Just take everything in your stride and blend it into the conversation.

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