Some advice

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  • #43271 Report

    Abbsmi1
    Participant

    So I have been dating this guy.

    We both have children from previous relationships. We have interacted with our children, play dates etc no sleepovers yet. He does come and stay some nights but not with the child. Obviously my children are there.

    He had openly told me that recently a safeguarding issue was raised on his child and social services were involved just as protocol etc. (Child had unexplained mark ? birthmark) I don’t know the full ins and outs but they’re still waiting on the outcome of the meeting.

    I’m just worried that due to this they will want to get involved with my children? I have never had any involvement before with any services.

    He told them about me  and I have children and they took first name and ages but no further details. I’m just wondering can they get involved with my children due to this? Can they legally bring us into it?

    Any previous experience or knowledge would be helpful

     

    #43272 Report

    Sherinam
    Participant

    Is it a birthmark or a bruise.?

    #43275 Report

    Abbsmi1
    Participant

    From what I gather it’s been reported as a bruise

    #43282 Report

    Abbsmi1
    Participant

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    #43283 Report

    Greenfingers
    Participant

    Does the guy still have unsupervised contact with his children? I guess that might give an indication whether you need to proceed with caution until the review is done. All kids get bruises from time to time. If they believe the bruises are suspicious, my understanding is that social services will refer to paediatric consultant for examination who will make a report on what they see. The police maybe called to take accounts from children and adults involved if they believe ‘an assault’ has taken place. How old are his children?
    I think it’s a difficult call, as I’m sure you’re also aware that people make false allegations all the time too for their own gain.
    I’d say that if you don’t need to leave your children unattended with him then don’t. I wouldn’t be happy with my partner of 2.5 years physically chastising my children, as it’s not something I rely on myself. I don’t think you need to head for the hills if you feel the relationship is good but just keep your wits about you as you would in any new relationship. Time will tell

    #43310 Report

    Sandra
    Moderator

    Hi

    My name is Sandra and I am one of the moderators.

    As always, some fantastic support and advice from other posters. I would agree, be cautious as far as your children are concerned.  It is down to you to set the rules around what you are happy with, and you want to be assured that your kids are safe, so don’t do anything you don’t want to do, until you are totally happy.

    If you want to get some more advice about how child protection works, you could contact the NSPCC on 0808 800 5000.

    With regards to what children’s services can do in bringing you or your children into the case, they have the right to take action if they think a child might be experiencing significant harm or at risk of experiencing significant harm – so in a nutshell, safeguarding and children’s welfare is paramount and overrides everything else.

    I do understand how concerning this might be for you – so do talk to other people, get some advice if you think this would help put your mind at rest, and do what you think is best for your kids.

    I hope this helps

    Sandra

    #43325 Report

    Alicewonderland
    Participant

    Hi we all want to believe the road to true love is an easy one . It’s not . It is a fact men intentionally or otherwise Lie ! Or just tend to twist the truth .

    Maybe not all but most and all will when they want to carry on with something . If you see a red flag don’t ignore it that’s what there for and if he says he is unsure or avasif , then he is lying as social services love paperwork and reports . If it’s there it’s on paper .

    So ask for the report .

    My deep experience and I use what I am about to say ‘ loosely’ as not all social workers are tarnished from the same brush and I know I have seen the good and the bad . If you are going to become involved with social services be it through no fault of your own be prepared to go down the rabbit hole .

    Once you open that door it is extremely hard to close it . They won’t .As mothers we do everything for our children and as hard as it maybe . Take of your blinkers check out this man if not for your children’s sake but your own. If he likes you and respects you he will totally understand .

    I am not saying , he is at fault because men  are falsely accused all the time in break-ups and custody issues .

    So talk to him about your concerns and ask for the report tell him you want to be prepared if your asked in the future . Take his lead ! If he becomes stand offish or confrontational , then another red flag .

    Pitfals off being single and a parent .

    Best of Luck

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