Solicitors with knowledge in narcissistic abuse

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  • #55449 Report

    CherylD
    Participant

    Hi everyone

    Does anyone know of or have used a solicitors firm that have knowledge in narcissistic abuse please?

    I have recently separated from my abusive and violent husband and am now back to being a single parent (I have 2 older children from a previous relationship) but to 4 children now.

    Due to the financial abuse in our marriage I am financially insecure and just about managing to keep my head above water, so do not have disposable money to get a solicitor.

    I have made 2 court orders on my own, Prohibited Steps Order & Non-Molestation Order which have been granted. My ex isn’t paying for any of the house bills or debts so has a solicitor.

    I would really like to know if there are any firms in England that ‘gets me’ and have knowledge in narcissism and dealing with their abuse and family law.

    I know there are many family law solicitors out there, but I am hoping someone might know a firm who knows about the traits, lies and deceit of a narcissistic abuser.

    Thanks for taking the time to read this

    #55512 Report

    Hi CherylD

    I’m Michelle one of the Moderators here.  You may find a suitable solicitor via the Family Law Panel:

    Family Law Panel – A free directory service for members of the public to access professional and independent family law information. Solicitors offer an initial free advice session. N.B. Professionals who can offer support with Domestic Violence are listed with a purple ribbon next to their name. https://thefamilylawpanel.org/categories/1

    You could also get in touch with Rights of Women:

    Rights of Women – Free, confidential legal advice by telephone for women on a wide variety of issues. Specialist areas include family law and domestic violence. https://rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/family-law/

    Here’s a link to check whether you might qualify for legal aid:

    Civil Legal Advice Helpline – Find out whether you qualify for legal aid and get details of local family law solicitors that provide advice and representation funded by legal aid 0345 345 4 345  https://www.gov.uk/civil-legal-advice

    And Law Works offer pro bono via volunteer solicitors:

    LawWorks – A charity working in England and Wales to connect volunteer lawyers with people in need of legal advice, who are not eligible for legal aid and cannot afford to pay and with the not-for-profit organisations that support them.  https://www.lawworks.org.uk/

    I hope that those links are helpful

    Kind regards

    Michelle

    #55514 Report

    steve3334
    Participant

    Hi,

    am not sure if using a solicitor that has knowledge about narcissism will make much difference. has your ex applied to court for child arrangement order?

    #55519 Report

    CherylD
    Participant

    Thank you Michelle for the info I will take a look.

    #55520 Report

    CherylD
    Participant

    Hi Steve3334

     

    The reason I ask specifically for that type of professional is that there are certain traits that the trained eye will know about and will then better be able to pick it out from the crowd, if you get what I mean.

    Example: Contacting your family member

    This could be seen as a form of emotional abuse or trying to manipulate your support group

    or

    Part of the ‘flying monkey’ tactic that if you have knowledge of, will know how damaging for the victim it can be and can be better described this to a judge/others to give the level of abuse someone is/has inflicted.

    I hope this makes a bit more sense? Yes, my ex has applied for child arrangement order.

    #55523 Report

    steve3334
    Participant

    I think it will be difficult to catch those people out. people with personality disorders can fool courts easily. also from my experience, court tend not to take these things seriously (especially if there’s no medical diagnosis) and will see it as parental conflict and not focusing on the children.

    #55527 Report

    Freedom5
    Participant

    Hi Cheryl, 

    Good luck finding one. My ex was a narc too. I kept insisting to my solicitor about his narcissistic traits. Most solicitors unfortunately have no clue what is narcissism. Some will gaslight you and think that you’re diagnosing your ex. Even warn you of the negative impact it has on your side. Also unless the court directs for mental health assessment of your ex it will be difficult to proof that. Fingers crossed for you. X

    #55654 Report

    Brendastock
    Participant

    I am following this thread with the same hopes as you.

    #56382 Report

    Louisa72
    Participant

    Try Louise Halford at Evolve Family Law in Holmes Chapel. She is my solicitor and understands narcs as she divorced one too.

    #60598 Report

    Singledad64
    Participant

    I’ve been trying to get away from my ex for five years now. She’s taken me to court six times and had me arrested for stalking with violence. I was released without charge and no further action taken. The point is the slur on my good name is there, so she won.

    Talking to solicitors about this is difficult and I’ve been told to stay away from it in court. Given that it’s this disorder which causes all this baseless legal action and given narcs will appear in court far more often than others, simply because of the nature of the condition, it’s appalling that nobody is embracing the issue. I’ve been abused for many years,  (there aren’t really losers and winners in this but she’s never got her way in court) but now she’s launched a no mol suit against me for harassment and coercive control. It’s almost funny in a sick way that the victim is accused and deflects it all onto me. I think it’s Calle projection – which is pure abuse. Because she’s made so many statements in previous hearings, she’s beginning to contradict her own lies made under oath. This is my greatest hope for stopping her taking me to court so frequently – that she’s seen as an unreliable witness. Of course, when these people are criticised or caught out, that triggers the toxic shame which is EXTREMELY dangerous to be around.

    The only advice I’ve had is to state the events but don’t apply diagnostic labels and hope the judge knows enough to spot the pattern. That’s a very forlorn hope and I find it very depressing and it just adds to my isolation – which, of course, is the goal of the abuser.

    The Echo Society were very helpful in giving me advice but I don’t know if they can really recommend solicitors. https://www.theechosociety.org.uk

    The best piece of advice I have is to gather your support network around you, don’t let them isolate you and remember it’s not you. You’re in for a rough ride, I’m afraid. My heart goes out to you.

     

     

     

     

    #60628 Report

    Winter Solstice
    Participant

    Good for you for being aware of the need to choose wisely.  I didn’t – my solicitor was very nice (collaborative law) but I think perhaps had plenty of clients “diagnosing” their difficult spouses and it all worked out in the end, because many people ARE reasonable in the end and realise it’s not worth fighting over.  But some people are not wired that way and want to destroy you.  Mine has certainly done that financially, and very nearly emotionally broke my spirit.  But I’m now beginning to come through the other side.  SO as a previous poster said – get the people that are your supporters around you – they are easy to spot because you don’t need to explain anything.  Anyone you have to explain anything to again and again only drains your emotional reserves.  Well that’s been my experience anyway.

    I think Rights of Women would be a great place to start.  They can be hard to get hold of, but they are really on it and worth the effort of persistence and patience.  Good luck

Viewing 11 posts - 1 through 11 (of 11 total)

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