So tough!

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  • #31179 Report

    Emmajhamer
    Participant

    single 40 year old mum of 6 month old baby, I wanted her for over 10 years so I feel such happiness but so depressed at my situation. Her father isn’t present or paying, My mum let me down massively with support when I hit rock bottom so I’ve removed her from my life and the most time she can make for her only grandchild is once a fortnight. Friends have helped here and there but I have no regular breaks other than twice a month. It’s so hard, relentless and lonely! I’ve started sending her to a childminder once a fortnight for the week I don’t get a break and feel so guilty for doing so. I’m sad this amazing time in my life has been so hard and so envious of those with great mums, husbands and support!

    #31181 Report

    jack
    Participant

    It does sound like your having a tough time…it is important to get some time for yourself. And if you don’t have a support network around you must be hard.

    #31188 Report

    Ramblinjon
    Participant

    Hi Emma,

    I’m sorry that your going through such a hard time, it does get easier though. Don’t give yourself a hard time for needing a bit of ‘me’ time, we all need a bit of time to ourselves now and again so no need to feel guilt over it.

    Mark

    #31193 Report

    Mumoooclark
    Participant

    Hi

    Things will get easier the older and more independent you little one becomes, it’s so tough when they are young.

    #31195 Report

    Mumoooclark
    Participant

    I was in similar situation my mum promised to help me when I was pregnant as I knew the baby’s father refused to acknowledge either of us, so I checked I had people that could help when I discovered I was pregnant, after the birth, like you friend did occasionally help but that soon Faded, my man said I had a “difficult child” as my baby had collic, so she didn’t help as much as we’d like, this soon Faded to no help at all, and it was the worse 1st year ever. Thing I did too get a break was send baby to s child minder and go to local college for a cheap spa treatments, the student needed the practice and I need a rest/an HR out of the house. Don’t ever feel guilty, if your happy, you can parent. When my child was older, I would go to IKEA and they have free child care, I’d have a coffee and read or catch up on emails in IKEA , even 30 mins out canof the house can make a difference, if you have no one to help, as I did, desperate time, 30 mins to think/ have a break, can help. I found an exercise class that allowed me to bring my child, get fit north east, that helped ALOT. I asked a friend who bought me cosmetic and things Id  never use as I never went out, no baby sitter, no money for a baby sitter, if for my Xmas present she would baby sit for an hour and explained how much this would mean to me.

    I joined a NCT group and made friends, they occasional would do a baby sitting swap. Cinema s do baby showing s, of films I wanted to see, I’d take baby when nearing nap time with clean nappy and just been fed and I’d manage to get 45 mins of the film watched lol with a coffee n cake,

    Just do what you can to stay happy, it’s very hard, and it’s not just you that feel s as you described honestly. Good luck

    #31265 Report

    Emmajhamer
    Participant

    Thanks all!

    I feel I can relate to you all more than anyone I’ve met through any group because they’re not single.

    Mumoooclark that’s the most useful message – thank you! I just need to find ways to rest and to be honest once I’m working again it will certainly be a break too.

    ive decided I need to arrange breaks however I can and if that means spending money to get some sleep, it is what it is as my health is important too

    Ive found a crèche at my gym for £3 per hour which is amazing, I’m thinking I’ll use that even if not doing a class and just go to the cafe 😂😂

    glad it gets easier as this has been the hardest 6 months of my life! And that’s saying something ha

     

     

    #31421 Report

    Andy
    Participant

    Emma, sorry to hear you are going through such a hard time. As Mark and K mentioned it does get easier once they’re older! Look after yourself!

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