20 December 2017 at 10:07 am #6278
Hello! I’ve just joined and am just needing to get this all out and see if i’m doing the right thing and try to ease my spinning mind. My marriage has just broken down, it’s been rocky for a while, it’s my second and my children aren’t his and he’s never really liked them but i buried my head and hoped it would improve but it’ll got worse. He has anger problems and is on Anti-depressants but he is extremely verbally abusive, angry, insulting, critical, spiteful, hurtful, viscious, and a generally not very nice person. My children actually hate him and i’ve learned to despise him because of how he treats my children and me also. His latest outburst involved screaming in the street at us because my daughter was 2 minutes late getting ready for school and he raged at me saying i should drive my son and leave her to walk but for 2 minutes I wasn’t prepared to do that. So he absolutely lost it yelling and screaming at us as we tried to get in the car. Both me and Soph were in tears. School rang me that day because they were worried about her and i told them everything. When i got home i didn’t want to go in and he yelled at me in my face about how a pathetic excuse of a parent i am and how I should have backed him up and that i was a disappointment of a partner. He screamed that Sophie wasn’t welcome here any more and that he wants us out. Sophie has already said a number of times that she wants to move in with her dad but he lives too far from their school and I don’t want to lose her anyway. She is 14 and has a gcse in the new year and the rest at the normal time and I don’t want to move schools. My son is 13 and more easy going about things but also dislikes their stepdad and wants to move out too, as I also do. But we have no-where to go except my mums, who lives an hour away and has a tiny 2 bed bungalow, so we will have to share a bedroom and part of the lounge and there’s no where for our belongings. My ex husband, my children’s dad, is being lovely and is going to help with moving things out and store some of our children’s things at his house. He’s having them from this saturday right through the holidays so they will still have a great Christmas and then won’t have to come back here. There won’t be a Christmas here as Glen (this husband!) screamed he wasn’t buying anything for it and is selling the Little Mix tickets we’d got for Sophie and had taken back the money he gave me towards Sean’s laptop he’s got for Christmas. I know we need to move out but I don’t have the best car on the planet and i’m facing an hours drive to get them to school from mums house. I was workinf at Age UK here but it was a temporary contract and it’s just ended ao I have no job now either and i’m going to have to afford a lot of petrol when we move. I’m going to keep volunteering af Age UK as i’ll need to stay up here when i’ve dropped my kids at school so at least i’ll have somewhere to go. My lovely boss has said i can go to her house as well so i don’t have to spend all days at work. So i have no income except the child maintenance my ex kindly gives me and a scarey uncertain future and i’m so so scared and mixed up and don’t know what to do! I’m not expecting anything, i just need to talk, i feel like my head and heart are going to explode and I can stop crying or shaking!
Thank you if you’ve managed to read this far!!!!!
luv Fi X20 December 2017 at 11:21 am #6279
Emily – GingerbreadModerator
Thank you for sharing your situation on the forum – we’re so sorry to hear you’re going through this. It sounds really difficult and it’s so important that you look after yourself and put you and your family first. Your safety and wellbeing are number one.
Please take a look at our separation information – this has information about staying safe, where to get legal help, housing, and many other important topics. We’ve also sent you some further information that you may find useful, so please check your inbox when you can.
Please continue to use the forum if you find it useful and take care.
Emily at Gingerbread20 December 2017 at 6:52 pm #6321
I’m very sorry to hear of your difficult situation Fi, it seems obvious to say that you can’t carry on in that position but also that you’re making great steps to rationally and logically moving on. Pleased to hear that you have support from your ex. Where in the country are you?
Graham20 December 2017 at 10:23 pm #6322
I just wanted to let you know that someone out there read your message, and to wish you good luck in getting through this.
It sounds like your main challenge is to become financially independent. And it’s hard to think clearly about practicalities while you are still panicking. But if you organise those practicalities, then you won’t need to panic any more.21 December 2017 at 1:01 am #6323
Hi there! Sorry to hear that your going through this at the moment, it’ sounds like it’s very hard for you. You just need to do what his rightvfir your children and you and this situation with your current partner just sounds no good. I really hope that you get things sorted out soon. Take care!21 December 2017 at 7:51 am #6324
It was really heartbreaking to read all about what you’ve been going through. I really wish that I could talk to you to help support you throughout all of this. You probably now feel as if your entire life is bleak and that there is no end at the tunnel for you at the moment, but please dig deep and try to stay positive and strong. You will come out on the other side of the tunnel. I really wish you well and please don’t be scared, trust me, it will eventually work out in the end. If you want to talk, just let me know how I can support you.
Simone21 December 2017 at 6:20 pm #6376
You may have buried your head in the sand at the start but well done for digging it out!!
First things first I’m presuming you haven’t told your current partner you’re leaving him? If not with how he sounds I’d suggest having someone there like your ex partner as I’m worried incase he gets aggressive with you, also go to your mums for now and then go to the council but ask if someone from your daughters school could accompany you to explain the abusive circumstances as I know some councils may make out as if you made yourself intentionally homeless, which is ridiculous! But also couldn’t you just throw him out of the home you share as I’m sure both your names are on the house x26 December 2017 at 10:00 pm #6427
I managed to read it all too. You’ll figure it out because you have to. And he sounds like an asshole. Good luck finding happiness!26 December 2017 at 10:22 pm #6429
I will not tell you don’t give up. Add you know this. I’m aware it’s not so simple to move. There’s so many things to think about. As your kids are away for holiday you need to act fast. Later be time for tears. Contact county council, local council, refugee (they accept all woman’s, not check if story is true, but it’s not relevant). You have chance to start from beginning with support…28 December 2017 at 6:34 am #6447
Sorry you have such an awful situation.
It sounds as if you are taking control, much good luck to you.
One step at a time, better things will come. Be safe, be strong x