So much is happening don’t know what to do or how to feel
24 October 2020 at 4:46 pm #45081
Hi everyone, hope you’re all OK in during these times.
Having read some of the forum threads and how supportive, kind and compassionate people have been to others, I have plucked the courage to share my journey. Don’t know really how to start, so here it goes (apologies not really done anything like this before.)
I have a 2 year old from an ex-partner who is not apart of my daughters life (Through his choice) and I was single all through being pregnant with her until March this year.
I tried to connect my daughter to her dad’s family and found out her father had done some unimaginable things to a relative of his to the point where I couldn’t know such and stand back and let them be hurt any longer.
I therefore helped the best I could for this individual and did everything in my power to protect them and wanted my daughter to have some connection to her cultural roots from a family member as she is dual heritage. He has become a father role model to my daughter and was wonderful with her, the love was really there and felt genuine because they were related somewhat.
I feel like I have failed so much as I did everything in my power to help this person by making them safe, providing for them and accompanying them to the appropate support services they required. I found out he was entertaining a girlfriend he still was in love with back in his home country . At this point I was already pregnant back in July. He left me and my daughter to be house by the Salvation Army 4 hours drive away from me and my daughter as he is adamant I triggered him leaving by finding out about his girlfriend. He is saying he shall return when he has established a right to work in the UK but I have so many reservations and trust issues about him it’s keeping me awake at night.
I feel I have been naive and blinded, having a second pregnancy being single again I feel I have made a big mistake and currently living in temporary accommodation. I lost part of my fertility 4 years ago and so abortion would’ve been a regret to me knowing the odds were against me having another child anyway.
I have sought advice for counselling from my doctors but as you could imagine the list is huge. I guess I just would appreciate anyone listening and sharing any experiences similar and what helped them get through it. My daughter is my life and she is loving pre school and is flourishing I am just so scared that I have no self – esteem, confidence and feel I have just been taken advantage of.
Sorry for the waffle, I appreciate you listening and look forward to hearing from anyone soon.
Take care xx25 October 2020 at 8:46 pm #45106
Sunshine after the rain freedom of soleParticipant
I’m sorry you are in this position.
Unfortunately, there are people out that abuse the kindness of others for there own agenda and unfortunately the kind hearted soles feel at a loss.
However you have got a beautiful little girl, which is thriving at school and another little star on the way. You will become stronger from this.
Be careful in that you know what direction you want to go in, with regards to the little star on the way for example don’t rush to put his name on the birth certificate until you know exactly what you want and wether this person is trustworthy etc.. Know what is right for the little star.
Focus on you and you little treasures, take each day as it comes and try not to be hard on yourself, everything happens for a reason we must learn and grow and you will get stronger from this. Don’t look down, keep looking forward as this is your direction now.
Bestest wishes!25 October 2020 at 9:58 pm #45107
Hello Sunshine after the rain freedom of sole.
Hope your weekend is going well? I am so very grateful for you taking the time and thought to read my post and write such an empowering, encouraging and warm response, it really has lifted my spirits feeling what you have written, thank you so much.
You really made me feel positive about my situation when I didn’t believe I could. So true – taking each day as it comes and working with how we feel as we go along really helps. I have found keeping a diary too and relaisitc lists each day of what I want to achieve is helping and just keeping busy I guess and keeping moving. Those times where I stand still and reflect too much really gets to me and I guess we all learn along the way who we are and what works well for us, so really trying to make the effort and keep motivated for my daughter and little one coming in February. We all have our blessings and our children really hold us together during our more difficult days.
Thank you for listening and I am here too if you need anyone x