So angry and sad all the time
27 January 2020 at 8:30 pm #36177
my husband left me about 18months ago. I still see him loads for our two kids. Before Christmas he told me he is seeing someone else. I’m so sad and angry all the time now and it becomes overwhelming. I can’t stop thinking about him and his new woman.
I have always struggled with my anxiety and depression and sadly we lost our middle daughter aged three months to a heart condition which was traumatic to all involved. I know it. Contributed to our marriage failure but my ex says he hadn’t loved me for a long time. My ex also had an affair in the months after our daughter died and I took him back and we then had our youngest daughter before he moved away with work during the week. Our marriage took a hell of a beating but he only attended one session of counselling saying he had no motivation to make it work. I feel destroyed.
He is all I have known in my adult life and I feel so alone being a single mum and trying to deal with all these emotions. I struggle to see how I’ll ever meet someone else (as in a female dominated profession)and with two young kids I just don’t get the opportunity to meet new people and particularly men.
I also have no self confidence and am now worried nobody will ever love me with all the baggage. I also lost my dad when I was 9 years old. So have massive issues with loss and attachment. My husband said he felt more like my carer than a husband which has really hurt and made me feel completely unlovable. I worry that nobody will love someone with anxiety/ depression.
I guess I’m just worried that the anger I feel is taking over and I don’t know how to stop myself obsessing about my ex and him moving on with his new life. I still love him I guess and don’t know how I will ever move on from feelings like this. I feel stuck and it’s been 18months.
Any advice words form experience would be gratefully received
leigh27 January 2020 at 9:48 pm #36185
I can completely relate to the emotions you’re experiencing right now, and a lot of what you will have been through. It’s a pity your husband lacked the maturity to discuss his issues with you and the commitment to work through the difficulties you faced together. I hope you don’t mind me saying this, I from the few things you have said, he sounds pretty feckless not to mention self-centered and I imagine for one minute that these behaviour traits will change, regardless of who he is with. My husband also told me he had met someone 2 weeks before Christmas and just 3 months after separating. We too have 2 children and I’m finding it so difficult not to talk to them about my thoughts and feelings, the hate, anger and sadness I continue to feel. I’m so frustrated by online organisations that suggest there a number of support groups out there when there are so few and certainly none in my area. If you are in the London area, please let me know. I’d be happy to meet up. Otherwise, maybe we could support each other with setting up a local group in our area. I long to meet people who can tell me how to stop caring about what my ex is doing, how to shift my thoughts, and feel comfortable with the thought of letting go. I’m desperate to talk to those who have been through it and come through the other end. I don’t want my children to me as a the miserable, sad and bitter person I’ve become anymore than they already have. Like you, I am limited in the amount of time I have to myself. I have sought some counselling through work but the sessions are limited to 6 in total. I don’t have the financial means to pay for private counselling so group meet ups is my only hope. Maybe someone will our posts and be able to point us in the right direction.
Anna x29 January 2020 at 12:41 am #36208
I dont know where to start, I totally get where ur both coming from. My husband has killed me, shattered my heart and ripped it out b4 treading over it. His been with couple of women now and this latest one seems to be moving to next steps as they’re going on holiday to Dominican republic together. His never done things like that with me. Always promised me this that and everything but all was words and it’s been nearly 4 years now but 2 years he kept telling me and our 2 young kids that he will come back after his sorted himself out coz I’ve I’ll health physically as well as mentally as I suffer depression and cant cope with emotions so he married me and after 2 yrs said it’s not life he wanted for himself so left but after we had our home repossessed and me and kids were homeless whilst he went back to.his mummies. I cant take no more as even after all his done emotional pain towards me and our kids instill love him so I understand what u r going through in that respects. For ages now I’ve been wanting to meet other ladies in similar situations and pain as me coz I feel like I’m only one out there whose waiting for her husband to come home and wishes he would still. I feel like an idiot and I’ve not been able to move on myself even with trying too. I just cry and end things as I love my ex. All I want is my family back together and cant handle that it’s never going to happen. My sons tried to kill himself few occasions and my daughter now suffers depression and anxiety attacks, shes only 9 my son 12. I hate him for doing this to us. I would love to meet up if u ladies would be interested in that. I drive and live near m25/m11 I’m also fed up that I dont do nothing anymore I dont get to go out and I just dwell on it all in my home crying to my pillow. So if u think arranging a single parents club meet up every month or couple of weeks would be great then count me in as I need a life again coz I’m not living anymore and am feeling same way as my son that I’m welcoming death but I dont want to leave my kids to that man. Msg me and we can arrange hopefully a new future for us all. I think it’s a way forward to start. X29 January 2020 at 1:12 pm #36216
Thank you for posting on our forum. Bobbie I will be sending you a personal message with some signposting options.
Kind regards, Justine30 January 2020 at 3:15 pm #36233
What you’re going through is so tough and i can relate, the upset is so huge and crushing that it can feel like there is nothing else in the world. I’ve recently started working through a book called conscious uncoupling and it’s really helping me to move on from my marriage and find my way back to my more usual self. It’s not a cure-all of course, but I’ve now finally had a glimpse of some light at the end of the tunnel, maybe it can help some of you too.
Carol8 February 2020 at 8:32 pm #36517
Thank you all,
It’s so nice to know others out there are feeling similar feelings. I feel like sometimes I’m going mad and the anger and hurt are uncontrollable. Every time I know he is going to be with his girlfriend I feel like my heart is broken all over again and I go back to square one.
I live in Norfolk so unfortunately not very near to you ladies and agree there seems little affordable support for people going through separation and divorce in my area. xx9 February 2020 at 12:36 pm #36523
gosh, i can relate to every single word previously said. I am just at the very beginning of painful separation. Everything is so raw. We have been married for 14 years, and am much as i do not have any physical proof of him cheating, i im more than certain it has happened somewhere along the way. I am so hurt and angry. Numb. Not sure if im getting it right, but if you marry someone you suppose to be wanting to spend time with this person ? Or my concept of marriage is wrong. My husband married me to spend time outside of the house, with other people. Everybody else was always more important, than me. Eventually i have stopped competing with this and let him do his thing. And we drifted apart. So now, apparently it’s my fault, that there was no communication in between us. I don’t know. I feel like in a bad movie. I cannot sleep. I cannot eat. I feel so helpless. And furious. I feel like having a breakdown, but i can’t. I have two beautiful boys age 10 and 12 at home, and they don’t deserve any of it.
I’m so lonely. Having spent and committed myself to this family, now i am being left with nothing. I am scared for the future.
I don’t know if i can cope with my own thoughts. I live in London area, i need somebody to talk to and give me hope.