Single parents of 3, advice please

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  • #55274 Report

    Belle79
    Participant

    Have unexpectedly found myself pregnant with my 3rd child after 10 years of marriage.

    My husband has now decided that our relationship is over, and he definitely doesn’t want the new baby.

    I feel so stupid as I didn’t see this coming at all, and quite betrayed that he’d do this to me at such a difficult time.

    Everyone, including myself, can see that the sensible option would be to terminate the pregnancy and focus on the two young children I have.

    But I’m also worried that a termination would be dreadful for my mental health.

    Any single parents of three out there with positive stories about making it work? I just can’t even begin to imagine it at the moment, the

    Time isn’t on my side, but I don’t want to rush into the wrong decision either way.

    #55275 Report

    Runsoncaffeine
    Participant

    I’m so sorry to hear this :(. How absolutely gutting for you.

    i am a mum of 3- similar experience in that my husband unexpectedly left when youngest was 2. I won’t insult you by sugarcoating it all, but I will say that while at the time things looked extremely bleak, my children and I are in a very good place now. So proof it can all work out ok I guess.

    what is your support network like? Do you have family that can help you with your children?

    #55313 Report

    Belle79
    Participant

    Thank you so much for sharing your experience.

    I’m happy to hear you’re all in a good place now.

    I don’t have much support, my family don’t live locally and my parents are older.

    My husband was quite supportive about the pregnancy at first, so really hasn’t left me long to consider my options.

    Thanks again for taking the time to reply.

    #55320 Report

    Sunray
    Participant

    I have 3 children, they are all 6+ now and I am only recently separated. Truthfully I think I would have struggled a lot when they were very small if I had been on my own. Now that they are older it feels very doable. Sending love x

    #55326 Report

    QueenBee100
    Participant

    I left my abusive partner when my kids were 2 years old and a 9 week old baby went into a refuge and then managed to get us a house etc. When my youngest was 2 I met someone new (never lived together) fell pregnant and he left straight away I thought about a termination but decided against it and raised all 3 kids on my own they don’t have contact with their dads. I’m still single and my kids are 10, 8 and 5 now and all have autism it hasn’t been easy but has been worth it. I get some support from my mum and dad and a few friends but wouldn’t change a thing.

    everyone’s situation is different you need to do what is best for you and your kids.

    #55366 Report

    Belle79
    Participant

    Thanks so much for your replies. You all sound very strong. I hope I can make the best decision for my children, it’s just so difficult!

    #55430 Report

    Gummibear
    Blocked

    Hi Belle79,

    I’m sorry you find yourself in such a stressful situation.I had 3 under 4 +a 7 yr old when daddy of the year left us.It’s not a choice anybody makes but if you think out of the box it eventually becomes more manageable.It’s a lot easier if we are not comparing with others,and if you have some support it Is doable one way or another.I think it’s only you who can weigh up and decide bc at the end of the day,you’ll be left literally holding the baby.Just bc people make it sound dreadful doesn’t mean it is and it’s very much up to you.You’re not ‘stupid’ at all for not ‘seeing it coming’….Seriously,none of us do…why would you? Whatever you decide to do talk kindly to yourself,sort of helps and enjoy your kids when you get the chance.xx

    #55438 Report

    sillymessybun
    Participant

    The same for me too the fianceleft us when I was oregnany and wr had a 24m baby and a teenager. I moved to Scotland for this man some 400.miles not wanting the Children to be brought up just by me alone just could not bare it. And then two babies and he cheats in Scotland we move to Essex within 3 weeks he left the family home, well in fact he just stopped coming home 🙁

    #56072 Report

    sp2020
    Participant

    Hi, I’m sorry you are going through this.
    I am a single mom of 4 children, 14, 12, 10 and a 6 month old baby

    First 3 were from my previous marriage and then baby with ex partner of 3 years

    I’ve brought the baby up on my own pretty much, he doesn’t see him. He walked out 4 times in the first 5 months of baby’s life after not really bothering with him anyway so all the night feeds have been left up to me as well as the financial side of having a new baby. It will also be me paying for a nursery place once I return to work again in 2 months time as he has made it clear he won’t be contributing

    I’m not going to lie to you it’s been hard, I’m tired 90% of the time and although I wouldn’t have ever entertained the thought I now co sleep with baby and have gone for the last 6 weeks so that I get more rest

    During a moment of complete stress and exhaustion (my eldest is playing up terribly) I questioned whether, had I have known how this was going to end up with him leaving me a single mother to such a young baby, would I have terminated the pregnancy. The answer is categorically no, not a chance in this world, because as hard as it is, and it is hard, when my baby laughs or learns something new or I’m told by a stranger that him smiling at them has made their day I know that’s all because of what I’ve put in, my effort, no one else’s and I adore my baby more than I can ever explain.

    You need to do what’s best for you. You do not need a man to be able to be a good mother to a baby xx

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