Single parent with all the loose ends from marriage

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  • #61887 Report

    angelicwave
    Participant

    Hi

    I don’t know where to start on this but I have been single now for 10 months after I found out my husband had been cheating on me, he was and still is an alcoholic and suffered so badly with his mental health, my story starts with our marriage dwindling due to his alcohol consumption, he would be in bed for days, I would be left with looking after the children and dealing with his constant requests for money to fund his habit, he lost so many jobs due to this and we had to borrow money from family to pay the mortgage/bills on our house as my wage wasn’t enough to cover it, I was of the belief that I had to help him…… he said I didn’t believe he had mental health problems as I was always telling him to stop drinking and “being a nag “ , he then got a job in London and my parents put him up for free to help us out but he only just made his probation and his drinking got worse whilst down at my parents, my mum has dementia and he was getting her to buy him drink from the shop with money my dad had given her ( I didn’t know this until recently)  my daughter got sick whilst he was away and ended up in hospital, I managed to get him home as I had our youngest to think of as I was with my daughter in hospital but he continued to drink then and refused to come see her or bring anything that we needed down to us ( 3 hrs away )  I had to stop working so many hours due to her illness and my husband had to go south again to work, but he didn’t go and even though he was telling me he was going to work his pay was getting less and then stopped, I had the mortgage, the bills and my daughters illness to think of and my dad paid for him to come home after the company let him go, I had to go to work full time to bring the money in as he was unemployed, I had to do this knowing he was still drinking believing his promises that he would stop, i had a phone call at work from my daughter when I was on nights ( Nhs ) to say he had gone out at 10pm with our youngest and hadn’t come back after 1 hour, I called him to see where he was and he refused to come home, wouldn’t tell me where he had gone, I was so mad …. I was doing everything to keep this family alive and yet having to deal with his drunken behaviour, I was beside myself, he had left our daughter at home with my eldest who was 14, I got home that morning to find out he had been at another woman’s house and whilst my son was on the sofa downstairs he was in bed with her upstairs, I wanted to end it right there…. But when we had chatted about what happened I had to go to work and whilst there I got a call to say my stepson had taken his own life, I had to drive home to tell my husband his son had died, I couldn’t leave then……

    we limped into Christmas and I was working 60hr weeks to keep the pennies coming in, my husband had been getting worse, drink everywhere… not functioning, I had to deal with that all and work, kids and house, then just before covid hit I wanted to separate, I hadn’t been happy for a very long time, had been betrayed in so many ways so I discussed getting the house ready for market and us staying in the house until the house sold and we could go our separate ways, we had been married for 24 years so I thought with his mental health bad this would be a better option, he had always said if I left he would kill himself, he cut into his arm “ 4 real “ as he said I didn’t believe he had mental health issues ( but he never got help), just before lockdown I was working with covid on a regular basis, seeing all the patients pass over , alone and so horribly, we hadn’t paid our mortgage for a fair few months before this and council tax wasn’t being paid either as I wasn’t making enough and his demands for money got to the point I was being harassed at work constantly for money for alcohol ( I had taken his access to the money as he was drinking so much I had to make sure we had enough ) but even though I was working in the most horrendous environment he was still making me feel bad that I wasn’t helping him, I then had to work away due to the pandemic as it was my only source of income, had to leave my kids with their dad who clearly wasn’t capable but my nephew had been caught up in the lockdown was staying with us and I asked for his help so I could continue to do what I needed to do putting everyone else’s needs before my own, we had police visits due to his alcoholism and eventually I had to take a leave of absence to get him out of the house, he got a job and he moved out in January this year, it was a relief…. But as I had kicked him out I now was working harder to pay my half of the mortgage as he was paying his plus maintenance, I didn’t want to let the house get repossessed to be homeless to get a housed so I worked my butt off mostly with covid to keep everything going, my 17 year old is my childcare at the moment until we sort something, I have the house going on the market this week and to be honest we have done well this year and last with everything that’s happened but I can’t help but feel anger, it’s getting to me now after all this time he’s been away, he’s walked out of the house with no responsibilities, he caused all the trouble and issues but I am left to sort out the house and the children and working full time +

    we have numerous baliffs at the door, my earnings have been arrested for council tax and I just feel so mad, mad at the situation… I did everything for him, keeping him in this house for his own safety and in the long run ended up suffering for it , I have borrowed more money from my dad to get the house on the market and give my kids a better start in this world….

    my question to you is does he deserve money from this house? After all this do I have to give him half?!!!! I don’t have money for a solicitor until I have sold this house

     

    Thankyou for listening ( this is the first time I have split it out like this )

    #61926 Report

    GingerbreadHelen
    Keymaster

    Hi angelicwave,

    Thanks for posting on the forum- I’m sure you’ve make contact with other parents soon. Our helpline will be able to advise you and signpost you to other advice if necessary. Helpline – Gingerbread

     

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