Single parent to a newborn

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  • #38546 Report

    Mariatu84
    Participant

    Hope you are all safe and well, need some advise I have a one month old baby girl I was in a short relationship with her dad prior to falling pregnant. When I informed him I was pregnant he wanted me to have an abortion which I refused I did tell him I was not expecting anything from him, however throughout my pregnancy we stayed in touch from a distance and he never attended a single appointment but he was saying he wanted to be there for the baby. As you can imagine it has been very emotional going through this on my own. I have bought everything for my baby I have not asked for a dime from him he was not at the delivery I told him about her birth on the 2nd day he came to see her. Now my question he wants his name on the birth certificate and is actually trying to dictate to me what name I can put on her birth certificate the nerve of this man she is a month old he has not purchased a single nappy for her, keep in my he has 2 other children so he knows what they require. I would be happy to not have his name on it but am trying to think what is best for my daughter.

    #38558 Report

    Kathymumofone
    Participant

    Three things. Do not put his name on the birth certificate. Make him go through the courts to achieve that. It will make it clear to him from the start, you cannot be bullied. Establish that now.

    Secondly, do not give your child his surname. You will be doing all the caring, there are lots of inconveniences if you don’t have the same name.

    Thirdly, put in a claim with CMS. Your daughter is entitled to provision from her father. It is not your money to reject, it is hers. Believe me, at some point in the next 18 years, she will need more than you can easily provide – don’t let your pride cause her poverty.

    good luck.

    #38604 Report

    Kylejohn
    Participant

    If you don’t put him on the birth certificate he does not have pr which is parental responsibility and you cannot get money from him also if he dictating now I would put him on it for him to be able to do anything he would have to get a court ordered dna test

    • This reply was modified 5 months, 3 weeks ago by Kylejohn.
    #38606 Report

    Kathymumofone
    Participant

    Kyle, I don’t think that’s true.

    A mother can make a CMS claim without the father being on the birth certificate. The father can either accept the claim or contest it, at which point the father has to provide a dna test to prove he isn’t the father.

    Also, the mother cannot put the father in the bc if they weren’t married. The father must be present and needs to sign.

    #38607 Report

    Mariatu84
    Participant

    Thank you so much for the information, with this covid19 am unable to even register her but I will definitely be doing what has been suggested I appreciate the help. Thank you

    #38610 Report

    Lulublue
    Participant

    Personally I’d say don’t put him on the birth certificate.

    after being alone for 2 1/2 months before my child was born and him coming back less than 12 hours before she was born, I decided I should. He is on the birth certificate and a week after registering her, he was gone again.

    fast forward 2years 8months he doesn’t pay any maintenance, was used as a bargain tool (abuse), hasn’t seen her for a year….. but if I die he has parental responsibility so would get custody!!! Scary! I was in the process of making a will regarding guardianship and the Coronavirus kicked off, I can’t complete my application.
    seriously think about this! If he really wants to be involved he will go throw the courts….. my ex won’t even contact mediation to see his daughter, but will still be first in-line for custody, my family would fight this, but still it worries me xx

    #38640 Report

    CH86
    Participant

    Hi

    Having gone through a similar situation, I really would recommend NOT putting him on the birth certificate, just like a few of the posts above say. If he really wants to be on it (I suspect not) then he’ll go through the courts.
    you can claim child maintenance off him if he isn’t on the certificate, I’m in the middle of this at the moment so I know.

    good luck x

    #38885 Report

    Tomato Soup
    Participant

    Hi. Sorry for the late reply, but just wanted to say if you aren’t married to the baby’s father you can register the birth on your own. It is your decision whether you want the father to be named or not. If you do, then he has to be there when you register, but even if he is there, you can still refuse to put him on.

    Once the father is on the birth certificate you give him 50% parental responsibility, which to be honest doesn’t sound like the right decision for you or your child at this point. You may not be aware, but if you register the birth on your own, the father can be added to the birth certificate at a later date if you both agree – there’s no time limit on that. So if he turns out to be a responsible father after all, you still have an option to give him parental responsibility in the future. And the child’s surname can be changed at that point as well, so if you give the child your surname now, you could always change it to his in the future if you wanted.

    All the best xx

     

    #41906 Report

    Journey
    Participant

    Hi, I know this post is months old but Im new here and facing a similar issue. I’m 5 months pregnant and while I know I am definitely not putting my child’s father on bc, I have been debating on applying for child support. I felt like I want to completely wash my hands with him since he wanted me to get an abortion and hasnt been involved like AT ALL. But the line about not letting your pride cause you poverty hit me.

    That is my baby’s money. The fact that the father has a family that he lied about is not my child’s fault. I will have to research him being granted custody if anything happens to me, although I’m sure he won’t want it and I have already selected supportive family members.

     

     

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