Single Parent Students?

Home Online forum Gingerbread Forum Single Parent Students?

Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #39263 Report

    Shaz75
    Participant

    Hi, have come here tonight just looking to see if there are any other single parents who are students? I went back to uni last year and, whilst work schedule is far less during lockdown, we still have deadlines to complete and lots of studying to do, being home totally alone with a busy toddler am struggling with this as prior to lockdown I got a lot of family support. Just wondering if anybody is in similar situation? 

    #39295 Report

    estherlouisa
    Participant

    I can completely relate, I am doing my masters at the moment and extremely stressed out about getting my coursework and dissertation done. It’s hard working it all around caring for my son and working (full-time). My son is almost 8 so he has a little bit of independence and can entertain himself a bit but I can imagine with toddlers it’s a different story!

    #39308 Report

    mumbot33
    Participant

    Hey, yes! I hear you, 100%

    My son is 5 and in Reception at school, and I’m in my final year of a university degree. It’s literally impossible to ‘do it all’! Having to continuously decide between sacrificing my sons education for the completion of my own is something I can’t reconcile. At his age, his home-schooling work needs equal parent input in terms of time, it’s not just a case of “There’s your computer son, crack on!” The mum guilt is astronomical, ignoring my son and leaving his school work so that I can crack on with my dissertation is heartbreaking and makes me feel like a selfish mother, but giving him all the attention he wants and needs also means that I won’t graduate this year. I’m constantly feeling like a failure at both mothering and studying but it feels overwhelmingly like a dichotomous split and you have decide which you want to be – I can’t have both.

    I’m in a FB messenger group with my student cohort and I asked a question this morning if anybody knew the very last possible date that we might be able to ask for an extension in order to graduate this year – all i got back was a load of judgement from a load of 20 year olds that I should have been more organised and prepared earlier on. I’ve been in tears ever since because it feels like absolutely nobody understands. I don’t know about your little one but my son is a full time job for every waking hour that he’s not in bed. That’s 100 hrs a week. Childcare is a full time profession that people get paid for, yet this is not seen as working time in which we cannot be productive elsewhere!

    And then there’s the judgement from mothers of 2-parent households, which is especially cutting because they THINK they understand.

    The most dangerous thing about this lockdown is the assumption of ubiquitous equal hardship  – There’s this attitude of “We’re all in the same boat” that is dangerous and I’ve personally tried to reach out to people that I’m struggling and I just get abuse or judgement.

    Speak to your lecturers, hopefully they will grant you as much leeway as is possible, because we are NOT all in the same boat, no matter what the other students say.

    Believe in this – you have VERY mitigating circumstances, above and beyond the majority of university students. Reach out, ask for and accept all the extra time, help and support that you need. The fact that you’re doing a degree as a lone parent of a toddler already makes you a total bada55. You can do this.

    #39310 Report

    mumbot33
    Participant

    Sounds really really spammy and doesn’t at all address the OP about meeting deadlines during lockdown.

    And kids cannot go to ‘Grandmas’ right now.

    You’re a bot trying to sell some American online degree. Go away.

    #39311 Report

    estherlouisa
    Participant

    Really quite sick of all the judgement being thrown around at the moment – I think that some just assume that everyone else has the same circumstances and opportunities. My experience as well is that there is little understanding or appreciation from others of what life as a single parent is like – I swear if I hear one more married person tell me they know exactly what it’s like because they don’t see their partner until the evening…

    I am very lucky in the sense that my university has offered every student an automatic two week extension for this term’s assignments. My dissertation is due September so I am not panicking too much just yet. If it was due May/June I would 100% be applying for an extension. I think also with my son, it is not just that we’re having to balance our education but with him having no social contact at the moment (that he would usually get from attending school and spending time with his grandparents) I’m becoming increasingly conscious of the time he is spending on his own so I can work and study.

    #39338 Report

    mumbot33
    Participant

    Married people are the worst. While I was still married, parenting and life in general was 1000x easier than it is now. It’s like they completely disregard ANYTHING their spouse does, from doubling their family income, to playing with/entertaining/taking care of the kids, even if that just at the weekends, doing the laundry or just chucking the hoover around, washing up after dinner etc. And actually having an adult to talk to in the evenings and make decisions with for the mental relief. Somebody else to at least take SOME of the mental load. Or having the ability to just go to the gym, or pilates class, or book club or ANYTHING at all that involves simply leaving the house at night without costing at least £30 and planning for a babysitter. I am SO triggered any time a married person says something like “Oh i know what you mean, my spouse works late, or goes away sometimes”. Seriously. You don’t know even 10%.

    Anybody else notice Lockdown hasn’t really changed their daily life because you’re so used to solitude and isolation? It’s just made it unbearably harder with schools closing and my own academic commitments unrelenting. Not to mention my self-employed income completely disappearing. I seriously just want to die because nobody’s listening, i just keep hearing “Everybody’s in the same boat”.

Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)

Log in or register to reply to this thread

Log In Register