Single parent relationships
13 August 2019 at 7:51 pm #29183
18 months into a relationship where my girlfriend is fiercely protective over the time she has with her boys. Every relationship is different, just interested how many times a month you guys get together, individually, with kids…. whether you manage to go on holiday each year, with or without kids?
Me: see partner 3 4 times a month, once with all of our kids out of that amount
Our last holiday all together (5 boys) was quite stressful I, so I doubt it will ever happen again. What are you views on going on holiday with just your partner and just their kids, if you kids are already on holiday with their ex?
Loads of questions I know…..13 August 2019 at 9:18 pm #29184
I fully get why if a mother is coparenting and sharing time with the father, that she’d be incredibly protective of this time.
I would be totally the same!
I can’t say I have oodles of experience, but I struggle to wish to give up on my weekend quality time with my child and thus opt for weekday contact. Ideally weekly, but I know that logistics takeover and even that can be too big an ask for many.
I know lone parents who manage more than this. I think though usually this has seemed to be that the non resident parent, often the father who has less time with his children so works around her schedule.
Likewise holidays may involve all the children, but predominantly there is an imbalance of this being the girlfriends children and that he adults.
I’ve only ever known two couples that have ever taken couple holidays I’m afraid.
Not sure if my experience helps…..13 August 2019 at 10:50 pm #29185
I think this really depends on your situation and what you can both commit to. We both work full time and live 25 miles apart, have been together 17 months. Fortunately for me, my partner still actually resides in the same property as his ex wife together with their children. The benefit of this is that he usually enjoys some time away from the family home so comes to stay at mine 2-3 nights a week whilst she provides care. Their property is now sold and due to exchange any moment.
Generally twice a month him and his 3 children will stay over with us for the weekend so we have 6 children between us aged 4-15years. He shares care 50% of the time with his wife, only 1 of my 3 children sees dad at present (alternate weekends) so I have the eldest 2 with me full time. It’s just a case of organising activities that we can all enjoy together, the kids accept that sometimes we can’t please all of them every time so they need to be flexible. It’s generally something outdoors. We get away on holiday together as a huge family (8 of us) maybe twice a year, we have a 5 berth touring caravan with awning and the kids absolutely love it. We have 2 kayaks, 2 dinghys and kitted them all out with wetsuits and buoyancy aids. We take them to the seaside or lakes. I don’t tolerate any nonsense at bed time (slightly later than normal), they get excited as expected but others will always snitch on the disruptive child that doesn’t hush at bed time! We’ve had the occasional overnight away alone together, but not as much as you’d hope. This tends to be when his children are with their mum, my youngest is with his dad and my older 2 stay with my dad overnight as they’re teenage. It’s tricky but it’s just a case of dealing with what we have and making it work. I feel myself and my partner are on the same page and that helps.14 August 2019 at 8:21 am #29189
Wow, your situation has given me hope that it is possible for that kind of relationship to work, with that many children. You might be able to tell that the reason for the thread is that we are not on the same page at all, and whilst I can tolerate being on her page, we don’t have ‘our’ page, and it could be like this for the next ten years. Like tseeing each other a few times a month if that, no shared holidays, not much money left over for our own. I didn’t think it was possible for two people with 4+ kids early teens ages to make it work anymore?