Single parent needing surgery

[Jorden]

I’m a full time single parent with 0 support network eg family, I have had sciatica for 2 years now and pain clinic want me to have surgery, I’m terrified as I don’t know what will happen to my 1 year old little boy. I will have to stay in hospital for a few days and then the recovery is up to 6 weeks where I will be unable to do many basic things like lifting, washing etc, does anyone know what I should do here? I’m terrified of him having to go into foster care. Thankyou

[Sherinam]

<li style=”text-align: left;”>Do you work?  Are you able to afford a nanny?

[Sherinam]

Sorry I didn’t quite finish writing ..do you have anyone like a neighbour or friend that can help out? My friends Sister had a major operation and she could not look after her children so in  the end they paid for someone to stay at her place .

I would speak to the children’s centre at your local council and see what they suggest. They have agencies who have registered with them and it’s not cheap – £17 an hour

Normally when people don’t have close relatives the child is placed with temporary foster carers until you get yourself back on your feet.  Sorry I know you don’t want to do this but it might be the only option

 

[Jorden]

No I haven’t been able to since I got this condition, so certainly couldn’t afford that. No not really no family and I’ve just moved so don’t know anyone around me, if they are put into foster care can you still see them, how do you get them back? X

[Mozza2019]

Hi Jorden

I sympathise with you.  The thought of that must be horrible.  From reading a few things, it does sound like you would need temporary foster care.  I guess the best thing to do, would be to contact social services and ask them for some advice.  They maybe able to offer for someone to come into your home and help you throughout those 6 weeks.  I’m not entirely sure. I read you have no family.  Do you have no local friends either that could pitch in a bit?

[Roses]

Hi Jorden

Thanks for sharing your story on the forum. You may want to ask your local authority whether they offer this voluntary scheme http://www.safefamiliesforchildren.com  which offers respite care for families who have no support, like single parents who are in hospital. They don’t operate all over the UK though so you would need to check with your local authority.

Take care

Rose

 

[Jorden]

Thankyou, It is really worrying, the surgery is scaring me enough never mind what I will happen to him :/ if you know anything about them can you answer some questions? Can you still go and visit them and spend time with them? He’s only 1 so is pretty much attached to me 24/7 atm and is it hard to get them back eg do you have to go to court? I do have a few friends around but they all have a few kids themselves and work so they couldn’t really manage all that plus another one, and they would need to be here 24/7 for the first few days due to me not even being able to pee alone. Thankyou

[Mozza2019]

Not sure who you are asking, myself or Rose, but I really can’t see that they wouldnt allow you to spend time with them.  Its not like there are any risk factors to why they are having to be in temporary care.  I think it’s just a matter of finding the closest and most ameniable family.

He is very cute. I wish I could remember mine better at that age.  I didn’t take enough photo’s or videos.  Make sure you do. 🙂

Maybe a silly question, but can the dad not have him for a while to help out or is he not in the picture at all?

 

Paul

[Jorden]

Haha sorry mozza both I suppose lol that’s what I thought but wasn’t sure. Aww thankyou 😍 Oh believe me I do far too many! I have pictures everywhere 😂.

No the dads not involved at all we tried for 2 years to have him with multiple treatments and then when it finally happened it got to real for him haven’t seen him since the day I found out and he refuses contact xx

[Mozza2019]

No way.  That is just rediculous.  My ex and I were just about to start IVF and then it happened.  The same happened to my Sister.  Weird Family.  It is actually more weird than that, my family I mean, but maybe not for now

Who would not want to be involved with their child…its beyond me.  I have 2 boys.  The eldest lives with me full tim eand the youngest 50% of the time.  Im a very hands on Dad.

So when is the surgery?  Will you be giving social services a call.  You can probably do it anonymously at first to make sure you are happy with the advice.

[Jorden]

Aww that’s lucky! Haha I think they all are 😂 . God knows I can’t imgaine my life without him now what’s funnier is he’s just had another baby with his new gf 😂

 

I’m not sure yet got to have another mri one on back and on the neck as having problems with my hands as well :/ so some time after that really.

 

yeh I’m going to ring them but defo anonymously at first, I don’t want them coming round thinking I can’t look after him just because of this, atm I can so there’s no need for them to be involve. I get pip atm and was so worried they would report to social x

[Jorden]

Hi Anonymous, yes I get pip for the mobility side? I’ve never even heard of that i will look into it thankyou! I’m in York/uk xx

• This reply was modified 10 months, 4 weeks ago by Jordan Gingerbead.

[Mozza2019]

Oh he is a nice guy eh.  How long have you been separated for?  I take it over a year 🙂

How are you coping generally from the separation?  Do you think it was the pregnancy and the thought of a child or some part of it because of your stuggles?  Were you married?  How long together?

Sorry, people just annoy me being so selfish etc… I need to know everything 🙂

[Jorden]

Mozza 😂😂❤️ You are nosey lol!

Since the day I found out so nearly 2 lol honestly I’m ok with it, I realised shortly afterwards we were better off as he  oils constantly say he wanted contact, then didn’t, would arrange to meet up somewhere and he wouldn’t turn up, he honestly wasn’t worth our time. Yes defo the child aspect as I didn’t have sciatica or problems until I was around 3 months pregnant. No not married lol together 4 years though. 😂😂😂 it’s fine nosey lol I have nothing to hide 🙂

[Mozza2019]

Ive sent you a private message. 🙂

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