Single parent from the off
Tagged: #singlemum #firsttimemum
28 December 2020 at 3:40 pm #47373
I unexpectedly fell pregnant with my boyfriend of 4.5 years who I owned a house with and found out in august. He took the news not so well & gave me an ultimatum to terminate the baby, as he wasn’t ready for it or if I kept the baby he would leave me, the house would be on the market & he would have nothing to do with the baby. He said he would refuse to sign the birth certificate, would refuse any DNA testing & wouldnt see or pay for the child. Fast forward a few weeks I said I was keeping the baby & he followed through on his threats. He left me and the house was on the market. I am now 24 weeks pregnant & feeling quite overwhelmed with the situation. I have great family and friends but I am feeling anxious of what if he wants to have a relationship with the child, what if he changes his mind, where do I stand legally. Since our break up he has got into a new relationship with a single mother (odd as he didn’t want his own child) who is a known drug user on weekends. This obviously leaves me highly anxious as I would fear for my child’s safety if he was to have access to the child. Whilst he has said from the off he wants nothing to do with the baby, he has asked when the two scans are, which indicates a slight change in thought possibly. Any help greatly appreciated as it’s all been pretty stressful since finding out I was pregnant, and now feeling anxious how things may look in future as this is my first child also.28 December 2020 at 10:43 pm #47381
Hi so sorry to hear your dilema it sounds like an awful situation your ex has put you in. Legally you can chose who comes to your scans and be your birth partner in terms of contact as the father even if he is not on the birth certificate can request contact through the courts. Its hard i know from experience being single from pregnancy its not easy but youve got family and friends around to help which is great.29 December 2020 at 4:07 pm #47402
@SJ2305 Gosh, I really do feel for you. I haven’t been single since pregnancy. I have recently left my partner as it was apparent he wasn’t up to playing a responsible adult either. We have a ten month old.
The house is on the market but this will take some time to sell so that buys you time.
For now, you need to ensure you have a roof over your heads. Are you able to move on with proceeds from your house?
Alternatively, are friends or family happy to support you until then?
I have one aunt I have told about all of this and without her, I have no idea where I’d be. She has put a roof over our head until my ex sells our house. She has supported me financially too.
Would you be happy to put your ex’s name on the birth certificate? I registered our daughter beginning of March and as of then, I’m aware of the following:
1. Both of you MUST be present if you want both names on it.
2. You don’t have to have your ex’s name on the birth certificate.
3. If both your names are on it, he will have “parental responsibility” too. This means, you would need his permission too to take baby on holidays abroad and things like that. It will also mean he has the right to medical/school information going forward.
Note: Having parental consent doesn’t give him definite contact going forward.
4. If he denies being the dad, in family court, it’s down to him to prove he is not. He is by law required to pay until then.
Going forward, do not be bullied into having him at your scans. I know this is an incredibly hard time but stay strong and follow your instincts. Remember it’s you and baby who are most important.
Please stay in touch if you feel you need to. For a chat, a whinge, anything. You’re not alone. As someone said to me, we are strangers but we are all going through this together.29 December 2020 at 4:10 pm #47403
Sorry, * Parental Responsibility* not consent as I typed.
Oh and if you’re worried about the kind of company he is now keeping, you are allowed to deny him access based on this.
Baby will need a safe and secure environment and if he can’t provide this then he can’t have baby with him.30 December 2020 at 4:20 pm #47443
My Mum’s best friend was in your shoes 40 years ago, her kid is a few months older than me and we grew up together as if we were cousins. Her attitude was that this was her baby and it was on her terms, the father has been an intermittent and unreliable presence and her attitude stopped this from hurting my friend. It was hard but friends and family were there. It worked out fine. The kid grew up to be a lawyer and have a family of their own. The Mum fostered children once her child had left home. At 75 she is still amazing.