Single parent but I have now become full time, really struggling with PP

Home Online forum Gingerbread Forum Single parent but I have now become full time, really struggling with PP

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  • #54569 Report

    Hayleybee96
    Participant

    Hi,

    So I’ve been separated from my almost 2 yr old daughters dad for over a year, but until now it’s been shared, but after a recent incident I am now the full time parent to my daughter, I love her and I look after her well, always happy and healthy, but I have struggled with PP ever since she was born, and right now I feel so alone and so trapped, being a mum doesn’t feel right to me, maybe I’m selfish I’m not sure, but I also have fibromyalgia so I’m just exhausted all of the time, does anyone have any advice on just how to get through this without me losing my mind or know any ways I can get support? (Help start isn’t available in my area)

    #54570 Report

    Gummibear123
    Blocked

    Excuse my ignorance, but in this situation what does PP stand for? Post & packaging?

    #54580 Report

    Hayleybee96
    Participant

    Hi, sorry it’s post partum depression

    #54581 Report

    Gummibear123
    Blocked

    I’m really sorry I don’t know about advice/support-hopefully the Moderator on here will have more info- but finding single parenthood hard certainly does Not mean you are selfish.

    If you were selfish you would have abandoned your child like so many parents do and dumped her with her dad,regardless of circumstances.

    It’s interesting how the most giving & LEAST selfish parent often run themselves down with negative self talk and the one who takes no responsibilities often seems very self satisfied and complacent with their bad behaviour!

    Being a single parent is constant hard work.(I consider myself an expert).Don’t listen to anyone who tells you otherwise(that’s normally the comfortably married ppl),and give yourself credit for every day you have done what needed to be done and treat yourself well when possible.At least acknowledge how hard it can be and try not to believe it’s your fault.It isnt.I’m sure you didn’t plan for it to end this way.💗

    #54598 Report

    Hayleybee96
    Participant

    Thank you so much, I honestly already feel a little better just hearing some kind words from another mum, as a single parent yourself I think you said, do you have any advice on just how to get through the day? Is a routine etc important? And you’re right, I never signed up to be a single parent, but I really do my best, and I forget sometimes to take care of myself because I’m so focused on the wellbeing of my daughter

    #54627 Report

    Tamsyn78
    Participant

    GummiBear (I love the name) is right. If you were a selfish parent you wouldn’t be here asking for help. Be really kind to yourself. You’re doing a great job just by loving your daughter, because that is what she needs most.

    But here are some practical tips to help.

    1.Routines are super important. Establish them. Your child will get into the habit of doing things you want her to and life will be easier for you in the long term. What episodes of Supernanny to get an idea of what routines work well and how to implement them.

    2.Read books on parenting or listen to podcasts for ideas on making things easier for you both. I have been watching the positive parenting conference run by Afineparent.com blog. It has loads of experts on mental health and children’s psychology and stuff. I am learning heaps of techniques to try on my guinea pig/daughter.

    3.Take care of yourself. Because if you don’t you won’t be helping your daughter in the long term.

    4.Do lots of stuff with your daughter. Let her help you prepare the meals, or put the washing in the machine, or clean the house as a game. Make everything a game like Mary Poppins does and it will make the days go by a lot happier for both of you. I tend to clean the house with my daughter to Disney Music.

    5. Talk to your Doctor regarding your health issues. They may be able to prescribe something to help or point you in the direction of other community support.

    I hope these tips help. If you can join a local Gingerbread group that will help too.

    All the best

     

    #54628 Report

    Hi Hayleybee96

    I’m Michelle one of the Moderators here.  I’m sorry to hear that things are such a challenge right now.   What you’re experiencing sounds really tough on you. I can see that you’re getting lots of excellent support and advice from Members here, so I’m really glad that you’re posting.

    Have you been in touch with your GP about this?  If you have a health visitor they may also be able to identify other sources of support.  The following services and resources might also be helpful:

    Pandas – offer support for every parent or network affected by perinatal illness. 0808 1961 776  https://pandasfoundation.org.uk/

    Gingerbread Wellbeing Resources – The wellbeing programme brings together tools to help improve wellbeing.  You can download the wellbeing programme booklet, as well as the audio files to complement it here: https://www.gingerbread.org.uk/community/wellbeing-programme/

    I hope this helps a little

    Warm regards

    Michelle

     

     

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