Hi I’ve been a single mum for just over 2 years now and have discovered Gingerbread Yay! x
I have a son who’s almost 16 and a daughter who is 19.
My Daughter (M) has Emotionally unstable personality disorder (EUPD) and is badly behaved frequently towards me pushing against any boundaries I try to put in place. My son (J) gets caught in the middle, but goes with what M says because he’s young and she’s persuasive and it all makes me feel like a rubbish mum. M tells me I’m failing just to upset me because I annoy her. She has recently got a mental health team to help her and I phone them for support and to update them on her awful behaviour. They might be putting in a referral for supported living but I don’t know…
Dad was a covert narcissist in military and getting therapy for PTSD. married to him for 18 years. Took him to psychiatrist and she persuaded him to go to a psychiatric unit. Social services involved CP plan and section 47 in place not seen him since March 2018.
We me M and J have had a lovely time not walking on egg shells and have moved house. I realised recently I didn’t have boundaries and rules in place and M was taking advantage, with the advise from her mental health nurse to say no to M and not lend her money and make adult decisions and let her fail. I do it but, it’s so hard to do.
I’m finding it all very challenging at the moment, but remind myself that nothing lasts forever.
You are a very brave person and living with mentally ill people is horrendous.
So your daughter is an adult and what Is she going to do with her life? Study, go to work or doss at home and get benefits?
A friend of mine was in a similar position and her daughter is now on her last year at university and living away and managing on her student grant. Managing her own finances. So mental illness or no mental illness you need to ask your daughter what does she want to do with her life. Also there are places that she can volunteer for a few hours a week to get her out and about.
You are on a tougher journey than myself and I certainly remember the sleepless nights I had about our youngest son’s behaviour. He was violent, aggressive to the point of being outright dangerous. Fortunately he was still young, seven and I managed to get him into therapy. But there are some fallbacks at times and it will be seen how all will be during puberty. Eldest one was just the usual nightmare teenager but that still means I felt like a waste of space most of the time. I guess a 10 Minutes spot about how teenager behave with parents would empty maternity wards for good ;-).
But as you said, it passes. There is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. No it isn’t but it is getting better. Keep smiling through those gritted teeth.