Single mum to 11 month old and pregnant – NO father or family support
10 June 2021 at 2:45 pm #55074
I am a single mum to a gorgeous 11 month old baby boy who is my world, I have taken to motherhood amazingly. Much better than I anticipated considering the father is not involved and I have little to no family or physical support.
I have just found out that I am pregnant again. The father does not feel ready to have a baby which I can appreciate and I understand that the sensible option would be for me to focus on me and my baby boy for a few years more before welcoming a new addition however I really don’t know if I could go through with a termination. I do not think I could live with myself. But how do I manage with 2 under 2 completely alone? Would my baby feel pushed out with a newborn that he had to share his time with? I wanted the father of my next baby to feel as though he could father my baby boy as well and we would have a family with one mum and one dad. Would it be impossible to meet a life long partner with 2 under 2 different dads? No support etc? Are there any other parents in the same situation? How do you cope? I am completely lost and really don’t know what to say, do or even think right now! One minute I’m having this baby and the next I am trying to come to terms with the idea of a termination.
Please can someone help me 🥺11 June 2021 at 11:36 pm #55209
I haven’t got experience of having 2 under 2’s and I can only imagine it is going to be challenging, but not impossible… however there are benefits of having 2 kids so close in age, think about how beautiful it would be for them to have each other to play with and later on have each other’s backs. Also the first born is unlikely to have memories of being an only child, so he will just grow up with having a sibling.
What I do identify with is contemplating a termination, even booking one (for my first and only pregnancy) and it just didn’t sit right with me, so I cancelled it within a couple of days. The question I asked myself that helped me decide was ‘would I regret more having a termination or choosing to carry on with a pregnancy’? And the answer was that I would have regretted a termination a lot more than having a child, even when times are difficult raising a child on my own. My daughter is 4 and a half now and things are so much easier.
I think it is possible to find a partner who will accept you as you are and with your kids. My boyfriend when I met him (through work) did not seem to have a paternal bone in his body or any interest in being in a relationship with someone with a child, however I was wrong and he adapted well to this and my daughter adores him and he adores her, he’s a great paternal figure for her, much more than her own dad.
I wish you best of luck, may you find the strength to do the right thing for you and your kid(s)!12 June 2021 at 9:02 am #55219
I am currently pregnant with my first and my partner and me broke up at the start of my pregnancy. We got back together again and tried to make it work but in the end I just didn’t feel like he was supporting me or that he cared it just felt very forced, when I tried to talk to him about it he lashed out at me and made it out like it was him been mistreated. I was extremely unhappy and felt it was best to leave him which I’ve just recently done.
It’s extremely hard been single and pregnant emotionally because you expect someone to be there by your side and doing it all together but at the same time I do feel it’s better than been with someone that makes you unhappy and pulls you down. My ex was just ruining my pregnancy and I want to enjoy the last couple of months.
Regarding having two babies and finding someone else in future my brother has 3 kids to 3 different mums he tried so hard to make it work and was worried he’d never meet someone else because of his position. Had his first very young and they didn’t last soon after baby was born, 2nd baby he lived with their mum for 5 years and 3rd baby he was with their mum for 4 years.
He was afraid to leave the last relationship because he didn’t know how he could father 3 children and meet someone else and he has. He met someone last year before lockdown and they are as happy as ever and she has a little girl who’s in nursery.
I think sometimes fear holds us back but we should just let be what will be. I am affraid of having one child on my own and I do have sleepless nights so I can only imagine how scary it must feel to be about to have another and already a small child but I’m sure you’ll find a way and look back and be glad you done it.