Single mum story….. but why doesn’t he care enough??

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This topic contains 5 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  Ali.saa 1 week, 6 days ago.

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  • #33062 Report

    Lulublue
    Participant

    <span style=”color: #454545; font-size: 21px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;”> I’m a single mum and pretty much have been since I was 6 1/2 months pregnant. Not something I expected at 33 and planning to have a child with a man I loved. He has came back 3 times when she was born for 2 weeks, (after that I say came back, we spent days and evenings together then he went home, god forbid the child would wake him) when she was 11 months for 2 weeks and 15 months for 1 1/2 weeks. He always ran away to his mums sofa because the thought of being a parent or sleepless nights and a screaming baby wasn’t what he expected. I can honestly say even if I have had bad feeling towards him and his attitude towards me, I have tried my hardest for him to be involved in her life and When she was 18 months old and realised she was meant to see daddy and he didn’t turn up and banged on the front door shouting “daddy, daddy, go see daddy!” I was heartbroken but at the same time thought “I’m done!!” The stress of trying my god damn hardest for her relationship with someone who really doesn’t care, why should I!! Let’s put the ball in his court and say no, mediation is the way to go. This wasn’t an in anger emotion, it was a long struggle watching her dad destroy his life (since I told him I was pregnant) with drugs and alcohol and before anyone bangs on about me letting a man like that have my child… his mum was always with her, I just hoped that he’d see her for the wonder she is. the same day he said he no longer wants to see her. Putting the blame at my door “she’ll want to see me when she’s older!” Which made my decision about mediation a whole lot easier.</span><span style=”color: #454545; font-size: 21px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;”> </span>

    <span class=”s1″>8 months on now! He Still hasn’t contacted mediation. 5 months ago after hearing from numerous people “I won’t let him see his child!” I contacted a contact centre for him to have access… he refused to fill in the forms. </span>

    <span class=”s1″>The last 4 months she has received hundreds of pounds worth of gifts from him, why?? I don’t get it!, via her Nan who I keep contact with she isn’t to blame for any of this and even if he feels like it’s not his responsibility for his own mum to see her, I do have a responsibility however hard I find it, not just emotionally but being a working mum and friends, family, house to run, washing to do, dog to walk and just time alone with my child fitting everything in is hard! Her Nan is in her 70’s and trying to find activities they can both enjoy is hard! We can’t go to her house as she lives with him and my house is a shoe box, she also has no transport so is completely reliant on me to see her grandchild. </span>

    <span class=”s1″>All that being said! For me the hardest part of being a single parent isn’t the struggle of work, parenting, washing, cleaning, fitting everyone in, tantrums, never having a moment of adult time, sleepless nights and feeling completely exhausted all the time! I actually love feeling like I’m a child again! Hunting for animals, collecting leave and painting them, singing nursery rhymes and watching my little person grow into something I’m so proud of! </span>

    <span class=”s1″>For me it’s knowing through his own choices he is missing out on so much! When she’s singing to herself, comforting her babies, playing in the stream watching how a leaf floats and how you catch her dancing to her favourite song when you are cooking dinner…. he’s missing it all, expecting to walk back into her life when he can give her £50 to go shopping with so she doesn’t interfere with his life and will be the best dad ever, cause he bought her (I’m hoping she sees straight though it, when that time comes) </span>

    <span class=”s1″>For me, it sharing those moments with someone and just being completely disgusted with myself for choosing such an awful self-centred, absorbed man to have a child with! Everyday I feel like I’ve let her down, by choosing him to be her dad and pray he doesn’t destroy her like he did me, when he walked out when I was pregnant! Leaving me crying on my bump, newborn, almost toddler saying “daddy loves you, he just doesn’t know it yet!”</span>

    <span class=”s1″>That’s all x</span>

    #33067 Report

    Richj
    Participant

    I’m sorry your in that situation it can’t be easy, but stay strong and remember at some point your girl is gonna find out about this all one way or another and she will give you a hug and a kiss and look at you and say thank you mum I’m proud of you.

    look after yourself and look after your child, if your allowing  him to see her and he doesn’t then in the future that’s gonna come around and bite him in the ass, just do right by your child and you can’t go wrong.

     

    stay strong x

     

    #33207 Report

    Lulublue
    Participant

    Thanks! 😉

    #33209 Report

    Mimi19
    Participant

    Feel for you, if you need to talk I’m here. I’m just 18 weeks my ex told me to have a abortion twice last Saturday night did go an argument, very grown up. Says he is a good dad and family man, he dotes on his 11 year old son from another relationship, yet seems wants nothing to do with this unborn bundle, what has an unborn baby done to him. I hope you daughters dad wakes up, this kind of thing is what affects kids these days.

    #33211 Report

    Lulublue
    Participant

    That is so sad! I can’t understand how anyone can say that to someone. You must be in a world of turmoil? Is this your first child?
    I’d love for him to wake up and see the light, but at the same time there has been so many problems and running away from her, it scares me to death that if he does he might just destroy her with his selfishness.  He will only make the effort for a month tops then slowly start running away then gone with in 2 months. And let’s be honest if he wanted to see her, he’d have made the effort of a phone call and an hour long mediation meeting.
    I know I’m my heart him not seeing her is a good thing for her development, but it still hurts he’s so self-absorbed. She currently may not have her dad in her life, but she has stability and so much love around her which makes for a solid foundation, with him around she certainly wouldn’t have stability x

    #33212 Report

    Ali.saa
    Participant

    What a strong mum you are!

    She will proud of you because of all efforts.

    I think her father miss all of these fabulous moment that you have had and it’s so bad for her father.

    Believe me, it’s so bad.

    Some parents want to be free without any responsibilities like my ex.

    This situation is difficult , sadly yeah difficult.

    But there is a gift from God honestly

    So enjoy your time with your lovely kid and stay strong.

     

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