Single mum – started a new 9-5. Feel awful!

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This topic contains 6 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by  SingleT 6 months, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #22473 Report

    Clobo
    Participant

    Was previously working part time in healthcare, company were treating me like crap and the money was awful, aswell as not being given hours. I started a 9-5 job, really good company, excellent pay and good benefits. But feel awful! I know this job will give us stability and help me get rid of some council issues etc I’d been having, but I feel like ny daughter is going to be raised more by nursery and school than me, and that she’ll end up hating me or resenting me. Is anyone else in the same boat or have any advice please? V teary single mum today

    #22475 Report

    Sherima
    Participant

    I am not full time because on my days off I am still doing mummy duties, hospital appointments, cleaning, shopping and may be 2 hours to myself putting my feet up or mowing the loan.

    My parents came to this country 60 years ago and contributed to the economy like yourself and worked very hard to give us a good life. Despite having 6 children they were able to buy a home 2 years after arriving in the UK. I did not resent them because we were taken care of well& loved. We had nice food and clothes and we all went on school trips .

    I am not in the same position as you as I have flexible hours and the pay is good . Your child will be very proud of you like I am proud of my mother who had 3 jobs.at the same time

    Not many people are able to afford nice things for their children for whatever reason. Please do not be upset but be pleased that you have a job and can pay the bills.

    #22479 Report

    SOLOMUMMY
    Participant

    I work from home as I purposely looked for a role that was school hour friendly. So totally different situation. But I get your fear totally!

    My advice:

    complete your probation period

    Look on the work intranet for their policies on flexible working and carer support. Then when you’ve read the policies after probation discuss if there are opportunities to work from home,even just one day a week could make a significant change. If not you’re entitled to apply under flexible working once a year and maybe if you could arrange nursery hours you could apply to:

    • have a shorter lunch time – so you go home earlier
    • Work condensed hours so instead of 9-5 maybe 8-for example so you only work four days but get a ft salary
    #22764 Report

    Kathymumofone
    Participant

    How’s it going Clobo? Feeling any better?

    I’ve worked full time since my son was 2 years & 2 months and haven’t regretted it. He is an only child and it was time for him to extend his world a little bit. Plus it meant I could give him a better home life in a nicer safer place. I was a better mum because I was less stressed about money.

    When we are together, I make sure we do lots of stuff together.

    He’s 10 now and doesn’t hate me. He’s cheerful & confident boy who will usually join in most things, and absolutely knows he is loved & cherished.

    I hope it works out, you are no less of a great mum whatever you do.

     

    #22777 Report

    kentmale72
    Participant

    Hi after my wife died about a year later I ended up being made redundant, for the next two years I did everything with my kids, nursery, school runs, swimming, gymnastics, play therapy, then I received a text from someone who knew me, a job was on offer, long story short, i took he job, it was supposed to be shifts but people told me to go back for myself, it meant from Sunday to Friday my two girls would stay at my parents, I would go work, go to my mums and spend time with my girls then go home, anyway now my eldest is older she stays at our home now, it wont be long until her sister stays here, my hours are 7am to 2.30pm thankfully i never went on shifts, i ended up working my lunch so i could get home to do the school run, my girls do not hate me, we have a great bond and my mum is like a mum to my girls, children are very resilient.  x

    #22849 Report

    Clobo
    Participant

    Thank you guys so much for your reassurance and kind words. I’m feeling lot better! Still feel slightly guilty but less so now I’ve got it and understand and see that it is for both of us and our futures, and that in time I know it will be so worth it. Just hard doing this on my own as I’m sure you guys can all appreciate 💕 also a big change but the job is lovely and so are the people. Just need to remind myself it will all pay off x

    #22857 Report

    SingleT
    Participant

    Hi

    After i had my son I went back FT as I planned on having another child so wanted best maternity pay (2nd child never happened). I used to sob over his cot with guilt as I’d leave before he woke. He’s 15 now and doesn’t remember any of it!

    I went FT again at the beginning of this year as I need the money after years of being PT. Again the guilt kicked in, but I look on the positive that I’m being a good role model. I don’t like that my son comes home to an empty home, albeit it’s only for about 30 mins. He loves the independence!

    You’re doing right by your kids, and that can never be wrong. Be proud of yourself x

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