ive been on my own since lo was 2/3 wks old because my bf had a crisis when I had baby and couldnt cope. His mother has been horrible to me, having a go at me when baby was just 4 weeks old and again at 6 wks sending me into a bit of depression. I’ve asked every week for him to come and see her on his days off, sometimes he does, sometimes he makes me feel like im being annoying. 2 weeks ago i even had to pay for his travel to see her. I have a really difficult time seeing him and even arranging visits w him because im having flashbacks of the abusive things hes done to me. Ive been asking for mediation for a while now and today i told him that if he wont have mediation i need to cut him off to which he has now threatened to take me to court. I know his mum is behind this and i know they will make me look bad. im so stressed about this and dont know how to manage him and where to find help. i really want him to have a relationship w baby but im really struggling w him. any advice much appreciated
So let him pay to take you to court. The first stage is like mediation anyway. The court wants to see you have had mediation already, and if unresolved to get a MIAM through mediation. You need the MIAM before going to court. So if he won’t do mediation he probably can’t get a MIAM, which means he can’t go to court. If he can get a MIAM based on you not going for mediation, you both will still get assessed before it even goes before a “court”, and that could take months of talking and negotiating. I think people think that they can say they’re taking you to court without putting in the effort and money first, that if they take you to court they somehow look the stronger party before the judge, or that a panel cares more about the relationship than the children (and maybe that by saying they’re taking you to court you’ll panic). You carry on doing what you’re doing. If he suddenly wants mediation, then go. Otherwise let him pay for all the steps to take you to court if he can get it that far without mediation and then you’ll all have to sit down and do what you’ve been asking for all this time anyway. Relax a bit on the “court” front, but do keep a diary of what you’ve said and done and paid to make this work so far. If it ever goes to court, they will ask for a timeline of everything, so write down what you can remember as accurately as possible and keep it up to date as things progress.
Him having a relationship with the baby is a noble idea but he has to make it work too. Stop stressing and hang around Gingerbread a bit – you’re not alone and it will build you up a bit when you feel a bit wobbly.