Single mum frustration

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This topic contains 9 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by  PeterD 1 month, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #24508 Report

    Lexilou
    Participant

    Hi all,

    Im 27 and was single before the birth of my daughter who is now 18 months old. Absolute no contact with daughter’s father, no support with sharing childcare or financially.

    No support from friends and family at all and feel like we spend every minute or the day together currently thinking to drop out of uni because i cant cope with the work load and being with her constantly starting to get really frustrated at my sistuation and even angry at times i  want to nip this in the bud incase it gets worse i really feel like i need a break but no one can help. Its not that im a single and a parent that bothers me i just feel like im suffocated. I dont know many other parents in the same position but wonderingif there other completley lone parents and how they cope .The only peace i get is when im at uni but irs not really relaxing and on days where im with her i look so forward to her sleeping  and feel so much stress when she wakes up and in the mornings with her cry amd starting to begrudge being a parent.

    • This topic was modified 2 months, 1 week ago by  Lexilou. Reason: Spelling error
    #24513 Report

    Alysse260711
    Participant

    Hey lexilou I no exactly how you feel but my daughter is 7. Every single parent needs a break sometimes otherwise you feel smoothered. Parents where there are 2 of them can do that give there partner a break but we don’t get that.

    Please don’t give up uni give it another 6 months see how you feel then. Your life can change in the blink of a eye and your situation now will not be the same forever.

    Iv got loads of friends and a big family yet I feel so alone with my daughter. Everyone I no is doing things with there partners I’m the only single one. I struggle with summer time and bank holiday weekends that’s when I feel more alone than ever. Trust me you are not alone there are so many more people like us out there.

     

    Xxx

    #24517 Report

    Lexilou
    Participant

    Hi thanks for you reply ,

    How  are things for you with a 7 year old ? I dont want to wish my daughters life away but really looking forward to more independent years.

    And yes i keep trying and trying but im getting abit sick and tiered ive experienced this before but not to this extreme where i feel very angry when im around  her (would never harm her) but i just feel ive got no support whats so ever a small family just granmother who is too elderly to help out… and trying to achieve a degree . Maybe if i had more mum friends in the same situation we could let off steam to one another but i dont have many friends and the ones i do dont have children its just so frustrating x

    #24520 Report

    xxx
    Participant

    Hi I have two under 5 and no break either and it’s intense but I can see how it changes once they get to about 4 – even just age 2 although v demanding they start sleeping more reliably and u get a bit of quiet in the eve. I’ve never gone out cos no sitter but I can watch a film with a glass of wine on my own. It’s isolating but I’m so exhausted I just enjoy the silence for an hour before bed. All I can say is as they get more independent you will find it drives you crazy less and u are already through most of the baby stage hang in there you are a hero for your daughter. Don’t give up uni it will suddenly get a bit easier and u will be glad u didn’t give it up and have to restart. Babies are really tough. Uni is tough. But none of it lasts forever. If u can survive this u will set up a better future for the two of you in years to come. Sending love. X

    #25867 Report

    Lexilou
    Participant

    XXX

    Thanks for your reply,

    I dont know how you do two children ! Yes i know what you mean by isolating. i feel so lonley at times and yes ive been enjoying having a drink in the evenings far too much became a habbit so i have to stop it.

    I dont know guess we all just keep trying. I definatley think having more single mum friends would help but i struggle for time already so i cant go to play groups and stuff and it just feels like every place you go like soft play areas , parks , swimming even supermarkets theyre  filled with  mum and dads with their children.

    #25868 Report

    Gingey28
    Participant

    Hi LexiLou

    How are you? We all feel a bit isolated and lonely. This is why this is a good forum to speak to others who relate

    Yes can seem like there are couples everywhere. Im lucky i have my mum she does anything and comes on days and trips out with us. I also invite my cousins out. Going the park is fine for me it’s a nice child friendly play area and i sit down and let him toddle about then take him on swing and slide. There are no other children in the family so he gets to interact with children and its great for him. He’s 19months so we only stay anywhere for about an hour max as he gets fed up and tired.

    I always think to myself yes its a little lonely but at least there is no disharmony in the house. No parents arguing at home. I grew up with my mum my Dad never wanted to know me. Same with my sons Dad told me i was a liar saying he was the father and he said even so i dont want to know. Annoys me i see him as he lives few roads away and has a work van and see his mates and gf but oh well his problem

    I think children being so young its tough they need us for everything. The older they get they gain more independence and they will do more for themselves

    Sorry to blab on. Here to chat anytime. Have a good Sunday

     

    #25870 Report

    BluebirdSue
    Participant

    Hi hun

    How far are you into your degree? If you are nearly done I would say carry on. You need some things that are for you. I gave up work when mine wae born because everyone told to. It was fun if not a little isolating with a small baby. It would’ve been better if I had a job or something. But its easier to look back than forward.

    Would the open university offer anything close to what you study already? You can study from home it may be easier. 😀

    #25871 Report

    Kathymumofone
    Participant

    Hi Lexilou, I’ve been a single mum for about 7 years now. No family support and although it’s getting better for me now, sometimes it can be still too much.

    Have you spoken to student services?  Explained that you’re struggling. They might be able to help with cover for extra study time,

    #25892 Report

    Leemit
    Participant

    Hi

    i too bacame a single parent before the birth of my twin girls.   In a way it is good to hear the feeling that have been shared in this thread .  My daughters are ft now and I feel like I am going a bit crazy from no real social circle.  Just work and home basically.   Father remarried shortly after the birth of his daughters .   He was in another relationship the entire time.   I want to move on but a,

    Am too tired too.   I have no interest in relationships but don’t want to live like this the rest of my life.   Loosing interest in myself and personal appearance .   I could go on….

    i kmow this may not have helped…. but you truly are not alone.

     

    Ps

    I too love going to work.  It’s the only me time I really get.

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    #25895 Report

    PeterD
    Participant

    Hi L

    Im a lone parent too a 15 12 and 9 years old.

    The mother left us and it’s been pretty hard although it does get easier.

    If  the father is not contributing financial you have to contact child maintenance services.

    They will enforce payment and have the power to take monies from wages and pay it to you. After all it is the law for absent parent to pay maintenance

    Things maybe tough now but it will get better and all challenges will make you a stronger and better parent.

    Take care and reach out to people on this amazing forum

    PeterD

     

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