Single mum – donor sperm baby

[Hopeful mom to be]

Hi there,

I’m currently planning for my first pregnancy. I’m 37 and single so I’ll be going it alone and will be using donor sperm. I have family support for now, but my parents are in their mid 70s so won’t be around for ever.

I guess im just a little scared stiff about whats to come! I’m based in London and it would be great to chat to someone who has been in a similar situation – I’m sure there’s so much I haven’t thought of, or considered and I guess talking it all through with someone in a similar situation will help put my mind at ease if nothing else!

Thanks in advance!

[Sally]

Hi there, congratulations on making such a big decision, I know how scary it must be but you really do have so much to look forward to and that I hope helps with all the worries I’m sure you have. I didn’t make a conscious choice to be a single mum but I have been doing it alone since my baby girl was born & I wish I’d known when I was pregnant how amazing being a mummy is, and how you can and will completely do a great job on your own. It’s bloomin tough at times but totally worth it. Is there anything specific you wanted advice on? Happy to chat if you’d like to, or lots of advice on here from many single parents much more experienced than me who I’m sure can offer advice.

 

[Sherinam]

Hello hopeful

Good luck with your ivf..all I can say is start taking  folic acid  and do some yoga to get yourself relaxed and not to worry.

Now will you continue ivf if the first time is unsuccessful?.also my friends had twins after first cycle and another person had 3 cycles before it was successful then they had a little girl.

Also when you have ivf start eating lots of pineapple after they they have implanted embryos  then stop eating it ehrn you test positive. This helps the embryo inbed!

[Sherinam]

Meant to say eating pineapple helps with implantation .

[Simba_108]

Hi there

i was in a similar situation and my son is nearly two years old and I have to warn you it is hard but you do get through it all. Best thing to do is not to worry about the future and just deal with one day at amtime

[Hopeful mom to be]

Hi All,

Thanks so much for your responses, it really means a lot.

its a pretty scary road that i’m about to go down, especially because i’m a natural planner but this I know with this there’s only a certain degree of planning i can do and the rest has to be left down to nature. Thinking about it too much does make me anxious!

i guess my biggest concerns are nothing new – how will i cope with no sleep at my age? it was fine in my 20s but i’ll be almost 40 when my first child is born (hopefully!!). How will i fit in work around raising a child single handed? will i ever go on a date again or will all that be put on hold, only to be resumed in my 50s?! And if i do go down the donor sperm route (which realistically is my only option), how will it feel raising a child when i wont recognise half of its traits or features? And what will i tell the child about its parentage?

Sorry if these questions are all a bit open and raw, but these are things i#d really like to talk/work through before i start this journey. So if anyone has any advice….

thanks in advance!

[Sally]

I guess it’s different for everybody but as much as I can totally relate to some of your worries, all I can say is that you just do cope, and adapt and enjoy a very different but totally worthwhile life as a parent. I was a big sleeper before my daughter arrived and I somehow survived for 8 months sleeping for 2-3hour stints! It sounds horrendous but you just get through it and knowing it is only for a short while really does help. The best advice I could give for those early days is try to make some provision for someone to help look after you whilst you are looking after the baby. Just simple things like preparings meals, drinks and keeping on top of the house work would be incredibly helpful. Do you have a good family network who will support you? This has been invaluable to me – it’s not to say you can’t do it on your own, but it’s so much more enjoyable when you have a little help and company along the way.

I cant comment on the parentage piece but hope you manage to connect with others who’s made a similar choice who I’m sure would be able to offer so experienced advice

[Sherinam]

When you are bringing up children on your own there is no time for proper sleep ;getting your hair and nails done because you are constantly juggling everything especially if you are working too. when you get older you have more patience

. If you are having doubts/fears then you should speak to your clinic as they have people there who you can talk to and who will put you in touch with people who have gone down this route.

[ayce]

Hi I am new here. I am also a choice mama to be. Thank you for all your posts, I was reading them and I smiled because it’s good to know there are people in Gingerbread who are going through very similar situations as me.

[Emily Taylor]

Ugh.  I hope you didn’t use Declan Rooney.

[Author]

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