Single mum at 50……. help!

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  • #22219 Report

    Dawt68
    Participant

    My partner and I met 14 years ago when I had children aged 16, 14 & twins aged 12

    he fought for his place in our life and 8 years later we got married and the following year we have a son together. Life seemed good and although we had the odd argument we were happy!  Roll on 6 years to Nov 18 and he walked out saying he just didn’t feel the same any more. My world was turned upside down and I had to get though my 50th birthday, a trip to Prague he refused to go on, Xmas and new year all whilst he messaged me every day for support on how he felt!

    Esrly jan he told me he was seeing someone who he met a few weeks before Xmas and then a lot of drama inbetween it’s now been discovered he’s been having an affair with our friends daughter in law who is 20 years younger with 4 young children. She had kicked her parent out the same time my husband left me

    both deny it and he is saying I should accept his explanation that they’ve just started meeting each other despite their own friends ratting them out to meetings way before he walked out on me

    I’m all over the place and just need some help and advice. Never in my life did I expect to be parenting alone at 50 or that someone who worshiped our life could treat me so cruel.

    The mental and emotional stress has just been too much and I’m currntly off work after being advised to rest before I become ill.

    Anyone else experience this and got to the other side ok

    #22220 Report

    Gingey28
    Participant

    Hi

    Not experienced this for myself. Just thought id say hi and hope you are well.

    You have taken a wise step to look after yourself by having time off work. So yes try and rest. I had to take time off when i was pregnant had a bit of an issue with my manager at the time it did help me out.

    There are plenty of people on here to chat and empathise with you. Its always a good forum

    #22223 Report

    Greenfingers
    Participant

    Hey Dawt68

    I just want to say you’re not on your own. You’ll see on this forum single parents come in all ages, most didn’t expect to become a solo parent either. Doesn’t matter about your age I don’t think, people go through this at all ages and feel the same pain initially. I think the most important ingredient to getting through this transition to ‘a better mental place’ is support and someone to offload to. All the finer detail is in the past and the more you go over it in your head, the more you’ll struggle maintaining true perspective. The facts are ‘xyz’ and to move on from this I need to take small steps each day to achieve ‘abc’ to take control of my life again. Recovering from betrayal is a process that takes time and you need to go easy on yourself. Don’t spend all your woken hours trying to understand and make sense of his behaviour as it’s likely you never will. You are only responsible for your behaviour and the way you present yourself, not just to the wider social group but primarily to your children. Ultimately, the children will be yours and his judge. Keep you’re head held high cos lots of the single parents on here are doing a cracking job at raising their children alone despite initially feeling like you do right now. Dx

    #22241 Report

    dazuk
    Participant

    single Mum,  i am a 50yr old Dad ?….{depends who you ask !} QUESTION ? and i really need answers ?….why do woman almost exclusivly see them selves  like this ? …..i would would bet everthing i own you are a top person ? THE DIFFERENCE….please listen to this single Mum because i am going to give you an insight that you wont see again……MEN, opperate on the basis that they ARE better, above, and superior to woman….when blantently they are inferior….men just style it out a litle bit better. Can i leave you with this thought ? if i have read correcly, you have 5 children ?….i have have 6, so we kinda in the same ball park…..there is not a female on this planet i would put before them…..you are a lucky person single Mum…..single Dad

    #22273 Report

    Giveitago
    Participant

    Hello Dawt68, I am so sorry to read your story of your recent life events and you ask if; <span style=”background-color: #fbfbfb;”><span style=”color: #1a1919; font-family: Lato, sans-serif;”>Anyone else experience this and got to the other side ok?” Iam a little further on than you in an almost ….very spooky and similar experience and I got a very similar birthday present and I hear and feel what you are saying and again I am sorry to read what you have wrote. Your life is not over, you are not old and down and out….. you are older, wiser and more adaptable than what you think, but I do know what emotional turmoil you are going through right now and you will come through it because….</span></span><span style=”background-color: #fbfbfb; color: #1a1919; font-family: Lato, sans-serif;”>you are older, wiser and more adaptable than what you think.</span>

    I am and older dad of two and I immediately connected with your story because it was very similar to my experience and I know that you will have been told to look after yourself and you feel that you can’t and that your are just in a cloud of fog right now seeing nothing but confusion and abandonment. You have to try and find the strength firstly for your 4 children, they need you. I had to fight so hard to stay on the right side (only just) of normal, but I think the true term is functioning…and that is what it is, just functioning, but it is a necessity and I know its difficult, but you have to try every day. Please talk to a trusted friend or family member and lighten your load because it will help in the long term to help you see through this tough time. It will pass and it is a bit of a process, but you will make headway. It is somebody else’s behavior at the end of the day which has caused this not yours.

    #22442 Report

    Dawt68
    Participant

    Thanks for the replies, life is a struggle right now but I am Waiting for my first counceling date and hope from here things will become better for me

    My OH has already moved on emotionally and fails.to see why I would not want to engage in every day pleasantries with him right now! He wants us to be friends and meet for coffee and do joint things with our son and right now this isn’t something I want. His reply to me is ‘I don’t like it but I understand and hope that will cbange’

    I’m totally gobsmacked from that as surely if we did things together we would  still be a couple!

    Am I just negative on that as its all still raw or is this actually something just to make himself feel better

    #22443 Report

    GirlFriday
    Participant

    Hi, I am single mum at 45 and thought me & my DH were going to live together forever (23 years together), seems he had other ideas!  He swore blind there was no one else when he moved out for the second time in 6 months last Aug but I know now thats not the case and it’s all become clear to both my DD’s too.  I moved out of the family home last week with youngest DD and am staying with parents whilst I lick my wounds and look for somewhere for us to move to permanently.  I can’t tell you what a relief the last week has been not to be rattling around the marital home (which was the home of my dreams) and waiting… Onwards & upwards I have said to my DD – Was taking her to see 3 houses this afternoon but she managed to sprain her ankle this morning so taking a friend for moral support.
    I never expected any of the above but each day I feel brighter and stronger & my eldest DD (who lives with her BF) said that she thought I looked the happiest for a while when we met for coffee the other day.

    You can do this

    #22445 Report

    CandyPops
    Participant

    Hi

    I just wanted to let you know that I feel your pain. I am going through a break up (age 44). My husband walked out on me and my four young daughters (2, 5, 9 and 10) two weeks ago. I am absolutely devastated, terrified and hurt. Like you, my husband was always so loving and promised he’d love me forever. Now he’s completely changed personality. A total stranger who won’t look at me and emails me as if I’m a business associate. People say the pain will ease. I’m sure it will.  That’s great you’ll get counselling. I hope you have good friends to support you in the meantime. Sending you big hugs xx

    #22778 Report

    Dawt68
    Participant

    It amazes.me how many partners walk away without a second thought to the devastation they leave behind Thank god our little ones have us to see them through all of this

    Csndypops I have 2 amazing friends who let me rattle on about my life and they watch me cry laugh get angry etc which is very helpful indeed

    I know things will get better for me and it does take time. I won’t always miss and love him like i do but until then he will. Just have to put up with my moods as I can’t switch off my feelings line a tap as he eems expert at xx

     

    #22936 Report

    thelmajones
    Participant

    Hi there

    My husband left me when I was 53 and I had a daughter of 15 and a son away from home 22. 4 years on. I’m 57.

    I remember he treated me as if he had never known me and was pretty horrible. It transpires that he had someone else which I knew anyway. What they do is they lie and try and then are angry as they have disappointed themselves. You are a reminder that he is capable of doing something he thought he would never do, so you get the brunt of it, while they are seemingly swanning around like love birds.

    I would guess that he was with this person a while back and that he is lying in my experience. So my advice is this. And it’s hard to do. You have to remember always that you are not a victim, and that focusing on his ‘cruelty’ punishes you. Although my world was turned literally upside down and the essential betrayal and abandonment cut like a knife, I focused on the fact that it was not personal against me. No matter how awful he became I was always civil. Remember the fact that you still need a settlement, so keep your cards to your chest. The time is now… to wait, watch and manoeuvre and you will come good.

    At the time I also lost my business because my close colleague and friend was actually stealing from me. My mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, someone initiated also an Inland Revenue investigation which was unfounded and everything was perfect but it was the final nail in the coffin. I wrote my car off, my daughter’s behaviour deteriorated because she was very upset about her dad leaving, I had a health scare which was sorted out and I nearly lost my home up until the last minute.

    So keep your ‘enemies’ close, he will be useful to you and you will start to recognise him a bit again. He may even try to come back. That’s up to you.  You have to get what you need and then you can move on. It’s hard and you will keep revisiting the hurt and betrayal, but talk to yourself,

    hope this has helped. Please ignore all of it if you think it’s rubbish

    all the best

     

     

     

    #23090 Report

    Elmfield2
    Participant

    All so new at the moment,

    49, 2x children partner does not want this relationship anymore, always told me loved me I was his world!

    whats changed??

    he wants a single life again, moved on quickly but I’m stood still can’t seem to get a grip I think it’s because he always made out I was everything but now all I can make an understanding of this is those words must of been lies .

    so confused it is so raw so going day @ time.

    Anything positive thoughts would be good

Viewing 11 posts - 1 through 11 (of 11 total)

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