Single father to a 3yo. Mother passed away due to Covid

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  • #64400 Report

    Gavin B
    Participant

    Hi guys my name is Gavin I’m 38 and  I’m a newly single father to my 3 year old son. My partner and my sons mother sadly passed this Christmas due to Covid 19 after an unimaginable fight.

    My whole world is upside down and I’m a broken man. We have lost everything. I don’t really know what I’m doing here or what to expect. I just feel like I need some support and encouragement from other single parents.

     

    Right now I’m living hour by hour and day to day living seems a little way away right now. My son is happy and has everything he needs. My family are supportive and very helpful. But there is a huge hole that nobody can fill right now. And even though I have family around I have never felt so lonely in my entire life.

    I live in West Midlands. And ideally would like to find some parent and toddler groups or maybe make some new friends for days out. Play dates ect for my beautiful son.

    Does anyone have any tips or generally anything that might encourage me to get back to the father I used to be instead of a bumbling snotty, emotional mess.

    thanks for reading

     

    Gavin

    #64401 Report

    Yazminpol
    Participant

    I’m so sorry to hear your sad news Gavin ,  am glad that you are getting support at this time.

    Tonite just Google toddler groups .some are free and there are ones that include yoga that you may have to pay for . Also it won’t be long until your child is ready for nursery.

    Also meetup will also have activities to get you out .my Friend is a widower for almost 16 years now so he told me that it’s ok to ask for help and if you are offered help take it so that you have me time to process what has happened .you are your littles ones world so you have to step up and look after yourseld mentally

    Also please try and eat well too . Take care and look after yourself .

     

    #64417 Report

    Em
    Participant

    Oh I am so sorry to hear your sad news Gavin. You must continue to take things hour by hour and day by day. Looking any further ahead will be much too daunting.

    You are doing an amazing job and reaching out on here is a big step. I hope you manage to find people locally that can help you through this. There are other organisations and forums that you can join too – the good grief trust.org, nia.nih.gov. Your GP might be able to help with support suggestions but also baby groups that you can attend in your area.
    Don’t forget to look after yourself – I know it’s easier said than done but you need to keep your strength up for your son.
    I’m sorry that you feel lonely and things are so tough for you both right now.

    #64418 Report

    singlemum84
    Participant

    Hi Gavin, what you are currently going through is truly heartbreaking and I’m so sorry for your loss . Taking things hour by hour seems like a really good place to start. You don’t need to have all the answers straight away. The most important thing is to look after yourself and your little boy. It’s great you have the support of your family. Wishing you all the very best for the future.

    #64420 Report

    Andrew uk
    Participant

    Im so sorry. Give me a few minutes and i will search some support services in WM for you.

    Im reaching out to you. At least you have family around you. Make use of them please. I cant imagine what you are going through but when my dad and suster died it was being strong for the kids that got us through it.

    Can someone move in or you go there if appropriate for a bit?

    Easy to say amd hard to do but keeping busy is important.

    We are here for you both.

    #64422 Report

    Andrew uk
    Participant
    #64423 Report

    Andrew uk
    Participant

    Sorry trying to post a link but it wont work.

    http://www.gingerbread.org.uk

    information/bereavement/

    #64424 Report

    Andrew uk
    Participant

    Google “bereavement support west midlands” and there’s lots available or ask someone to do it for you.

    Contact Cruse and Mind

    #64439 Report

    Gavin B
    Participant

    Hi guys thanks for the reply’s.

    I’m currently staying at my parents for support and to make the best of Christmas for my little boy.  I will be terminating rental contract of our family home the end of this month.  I can no longer afford to live there alone with my boy. Also so many memories that every moment spent there is hell rather than comforting.

    We will  be at my mothers for a while I suspect. As for the bereavement charity’s and helplines. I did call (Cruise) on dark morning. The lady was lovely and there very much a listening service. I’m not sure how much that helped me to be honest. I felt like I had just called a stranger and burdened them with my sad story.

    I really don’t know what I need from life right now? But I have a premature instinct to be doing things like this.  I just feel like I have so much work to do and zero strength in which to do it. My little boy is just 3 but growing so fast it scares me to think I may not have to long to sit around crying about this in fear of missing his life.

    thanks again for listening guys. Really appreciate it.

    Gavin

    #64443 Report

    Andrew uk
    Participant

    That’s what Cruse etc are for. Please carry on talking to strangers!

    Life is totally upside down and you won’t know what you want. That could last a long time.

    Don’t sit feeling sorry for yourself for too long. He needs you. You’re right about missing him growing up.

    You sound like you have a supportive family so you won’t ever be alone.

    Your relationship with him has changed but maybe for the better.

    I don’t know what to suggest but you need to get a balance between time for you on your own, time for him on his own and time together. Have you thought about childcare now he is 3?

     

    #64444 Report

    Andrew uk
    Participant

    There will be a local support group that you can make use of in person.

    #64474 Report

    Ineke
    Participant

    Hi Gavin, thanks for sharing this with us. Even though we are strangers, we can still support each other and be there for each other. You’re doing an amazing job, I’m sure you are. Don’t beat yourself up for being a blubbering mess, I think you’re fully entitled to be so! I know as a matter of fact that your son will help you get through this. Much much love and strength for this incredible tough time. Lean on your family, your friends, your gingerbread family, and cuddle your son. ♡ from a single mum with a 3 year old boy.

    #64477 Report

    *deleted user*
    Participant

    Also please remember that Samaritans are reachable free on 116 123

    You don’t need to be suicidal to talk to them, but there are moments in the middle of the night, when you may need to talk and don’t want to wake anyone up. So please dial them, 24 7

    ww.

    #64497 Report

    Alys friend
    Participant

    I’m so sorry for yours and your son’s loss. There aren’t words… You sound like you’re doing an incredible job caring for and thinking of your son, trying to make the best for him in this terrible situation. Well done.

    Do look after yourself too, one hour at a time is enough.

    I posted last night but I think adding a url was a problem – if you haven’t already, take a look online at Winstons Wish. They are a charity who support bereaved children and their families. They may be able to help with ideas and processes.

    And if you like slightly different things, I just got my weekly email from the Greater Good Science Centre, with an article called:
    Six Ways to Find Your Courage During Challenging Times

    It made me think of your post.

    Wishing you perseverance and support <3

    #64500 Report

    Gavin B
    Participant

    Hi again guys.

    Thanks for the responses. I appreciate sometimes some stories are just so sad it’s hard to find words to comfort someone, Especially a stranger so I really do appreciate those that have had a go. Thank you

    I seem to be grieving very hard. And I only make that assumption considering others that are  directly effected by our loss. I guess grieving really isn’t a linear “Same for all” process.  Some days it’s one step forwards two steps back.  It’s going to be a very very slow process for me personally just due to my very nature.

    There is so many added complications I couldn’t begin to explain but the brunt of it is we have lost a friend a saviour and a mother. Right now looking forward I’m drawn almost without thinking to other single parents. Be that sole parents or single parents. I am finding it difficult to take advise from people such as friends who are not in similar situations. I appreciate there input no end. But the truth be told I find very little comfort in it.

    comfort in general is hard to find right now. Same for positivity and when I talk to more more spiritualy inclined people somehow I’m supposed to be grateful even?

    There is really only two reasons for me to be grateful right now and I have chalked them up to.

    My beautiful son and the fact that I have always been a very hands on father and the majority of his life has been spent with myself. He is very used to  us spending time together. As apposed to some of the more distant fathers of today’s world.  That would have been far harder for him to adjust to. And for this I am so very grateful.

    I searched around on Facebook and social Media for groups such as “single dads” “dads helping dads” ect but they seem to be quite trivial and more geared towards “My ex is a b***h” for want of a better description..

    I’m probably not doing myself any favours by being gender specific in my searches. Fathers sometimes have a need to be self righteous and almost applauded for any sort of meaningful parenting I find. There are just as Likely single mothers who could help, Comfort and ultimately guid or influence me into being a successful single father. Even more so perhaps.

    thank you for those who have left responses and I’m sorry if I missed out any questions. Such as nursery ect. It’s a subject I’m dealing with currently.

    thanks again guys

    Gavin

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 21 total)

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