Single Father seeking advice after making decisions I'm no longer sure of

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  • #6099 Report

    Marr
    Participant

    Been a single father since July and I feel I’ve made no end of sacrifices for me and my 19 month old daughter.

    I found cocaine on my ex confronted her to get rid and she said she had no intentions of getting rid. I then received threats and abuse and went to the police who couldn’t act but they advised me to contact social services. I’m reluctant to do so as I feel it would complicate matters.

    Seen a solicitor who says because my daughters been in my care since July it would be odd to pursue further. Solicitor is sending a letter to my stating access days etc.

    Because I’m not happy with my ex having regular access I’ve put my daughter with a childminder tue to fri because of the times I’ve had to cut my hours to 20 from 40 and also work a sat.

    I feel I’m getting constant advice that’s not looking long term and I’m struggling to process it all. I feel completely isolated and I’m not getting sense out of anyone.

    #6105 Report

    SDM2017
    Participant

    Hi, first of all you should be proud of yourself. Being a single parent under any circumstance is never easy.

    I am a single Mum and to me I see you are doing the best you can. You’re working, your child is safe and with a child minder when not with you which is perfectly okay.

     

    Have you thought about getting a court order? I had to do that to get some stability from my child’s father and luckily it worked. However it was cheap….

    Keep your head up. You sound like you’re doing all you can for your child which is exactly right. 🙂

    #6106 Report

    SDM2017
    Participant

    Meant to say wasn’t cheap*

    #6108 Report

    Dad63
    Participant

    I am a single Dad (children  live with me) and have had 10 years of trouble from my ex. Thing is the court system and child protection are geared towards helping the mother (that doesn’t mean they cannot help you). One of the things that they do is look for a paper trail to see what has happened, at the moment it’s your word against hers. Go to court and get an order that states your child lives with you. If you believe your ex should only have supervised contact this needs to be agreed in writing and if she doesn’t agree you will need to go to court for an order – you will also be required to state what your concerns are and substantiate them, they are always on the look out for sour grapes. I would contact social services, explain what has happened and have them put it on record. Then should you ex make any allegations against you can show that you have behaved as you should and provide evidence of such.

    #6121 Report

    Marr
    Participant

    Thank you it means a great deal to hear someone say that.

    I had thought about a court order but my solicitor said we should a letter contact with my ex about access. What I suggested my solicitor said was more than reasonable. I’m still waiting to see the draft copy. I personally feel (although it was never a route I ever wanted to take) I need a court order for the security and stability of my daughter. I know it won’t be cheap the initial hour meeting with solicitor cost me £96 luckily I have financial support

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