Single Father of 2 kids

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  • #49311 Report

    Jonny12
    Participant

    Hi I am single father of 2 . I separated with my wife last year and in October took my kids as found out they are being abused physically and emotionally and threatened. I took both the kids 8 and 3 and she allowed me too not knowing my daughter has already reported to me what’s going on. Now she wants contact with the younger child and I believe it’s only so she manipulate. I allowed calls in the beginning but she started manipulating the kids and they felt scared so I stopped that. Now she is causing problems by making false allegations playing the victim saying I was alcoholic and involved in drugs which I’m completely clean always have been.  She was always domestic infront of the kids and gave her kids away to me to be with another man. The whole time we was separate she was abusing the kids to keep quite. I have applied for a court order and waiting. What’s best thing to do as I think she shouldn’t have any access or communication with the kids.

    #49314 Report

    Gummibear123
    Participant

    If the kids had any good times with their mum or have any good memories they’re just going to be messed up cutting off all contact.Somewhere along the line there will be repercussions.It’s easy for warring parents to decide No Access or whatever but kids should also be allowed an opinion on the matter.At the end of the day adults need to see things from a child’s perspective too.No reason why she can’t send letters to them at least,if she will be bothered.

    #49319 Report

    steve3334
    Participant

    hi,

    as its going to court, their social workers can decide whats best for the kids. I would urge you to remain child-focused and not use up energy on trying to make the mother look like a horrible person.

    #49322 Report

    Jonny12
    Participant

    Iv honestly have not had taken energy out to make her look bad it’s all infront black and white. And the child herself is saying she does not want to go back and it’s been months I have waited and it’s come to point where I have to involve the courts. The kid is terrified to go back to her or speak to her and school can see how badly it’s effected her. I done what any father would have done protect them. It’s took her 5 months to make contact again and causing problems now . I did allow phone calls but she ended up being demanding and manipulative over the phone towards the children was terrible for the kids.

    #49323 Report

    Jonny12
    Participant

    Prior to me taking the kids she wanted me to take the kids full time so that’s another point

    #49352 Report

    Shell
    Participant

    Hi

    It’s a tough situation to be in. I co-parent with an abusive alcoholic ex partner and our children are now 4 and nearly 2, he sees them on weekends sometimes has video calls and I might send the odd photo on WhatsApp just to update him if they’ve done anything exciting but it was not always this easy. We did not have to go through the courts but social services was involved in the first 2 years of my oldest child’s life and after that we just kind of figured it out for ourselves trying different approaches. The reason being is that going through court is a very lengthy, expensive and traumatic experience for everyone involved albeit necessary if abuse is happening. I trust that you wouldn’t come to that decision if you didn’t feel like it was the only way. However it would take serious and proven abuse for anyone to be able to take children away from their birth mother. You are BOTH their parents and have equal rights to the kids. Your local social services will help you towards maintaining visits that are safe for the kids and the parents. If the kids are uncomfortable with the phone calls then maybe have them have a loudspeaker conversation where you can stay close and your child can feel supported as well as you being able to monitor and step in.  You have to accept that she is their mother and that will never change so she has the right to be in their lives until your children are mature and old enough to decide otherwise, it’s a tough pill to swallow I know. Until then it’s going to be really hard to find the balance of what best for the kids as well as what’s healthy for both your well being. But it will get better and easier like it did for us. Its a tough old gig parenting and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone 😂

    #49673 Report

    Jonny12
    Participant

    Thanks 😊

    #49734 Report

    EmJay
    Participant

    Fight for sole custody and no contact. Abuse is not good for children. Court can work out what is legally best but if you know she is hurting the children you have a duty to protect them and a court would be right to question why you didn’t.

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