Single father in need of some advice

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  • #53571 Report


    Hi, new to the forum and looking for a little help.

    I’m a single father, and I currently have my daughter full-time and have done for a year.

    Her mother has very little interest in seeing her daughter, and if I’m honest I can count on one hand how many times she’s seen her this year let alone last year.

    My daughter has no over night stays at her mums, nor does she visit her or her family on my ex’s side.

    I’ve tried numerous times to arrange things, but I get the same old “I’m busy” or any other excuse to avoid it, the same goes when I try to contact her family, they all have very little interest in seeing my daughter.

    Now, all my friends have told me I should go to CSA as she pays nothing for her daughter, only when she sees her she will bring a treat or something to try put a smile on her face, and because she doesn’t see her daughter or properly provide for her I’ve been told to go down this route.

    Now, do I stand a chance with this? Should I try talk to my ex before hand to try arrange something before going down the CSA route? I don’t want to seem like the bad guy for doing so, so if anyone could help I’d really appreciate it.




    #53580 Report


    Hi Chris,

    I am a single mum, and I’m in a similar situation. I have my daughter full-time and baby’s father explicitly told me he didn’t want anything to do with my daughter. So I had to contact the Child Maintenance Service. Since he didn’t respond to any of the letters and phone calls, they had to contact his employer and served a deduction from earnings order.

    I’d suggest you to talk to your ex first, if you can’t agree on anything, then try Child Maintenance Service. The most important thing is to do what’s best for your child. Don’t worry about looking like a bad guy because you are not.

    Best of luck

    #53582 Report


    No,you don’t sound too bad at all.

    But she does, a bit.

    Do whatever it takes to give you and your daughter a better life.

    Funny how the ones staying behind to pick up the pieces always feel bad.

    #53584 Report


    Bless you,

    Laff91, your daughter deserves better glad your being both parents.

    Ask the ex to pay can go online use csa as a guide of what to ask for if you know her income.  If she don’t reply to discuss or offer x amount then ring csa…dont feel bad , mother shouid of offered herself long before now.


    #53587 Report

    Ella B
    1. Hi, I think these days the CSA ask that parents make best endeavours to reach an agreement between themselves, and CSA are there for any couples who can’t reach a mutual agreement. Sounds to me like you should definitely be entitled though given the situation.
    #53893 Report


    I would try to contact the ex directly, but if you don’t get a reasonable response then use the CSA that’s what they are there for, it’s for your child not you, so you just have to do whatever you need to. Anyone that matters won’t think badly if you.

    #53912 Report


    I have felt extreme guilt and fear ref making things worse by going via the CSA, particularly as the other parent is actually involved. Like another poster suggested, those doing the majority of the work often take on all the guilt.

    If your ex works, you could ask the CSA to make an estimate on what should be paid based on facts regarding income and taxable earnings. Then, you manage payment between yourselves. This is the approach that I took. It doesn’t have to involve anything heavy handed, it just gives you a better idea of what is possibly affordable. You don’t have to agree on the estimated figure, it’s a starting point.

    I would suggest speaking first with the ex and explain that you are planning to contact the CSA to make things formal and ‘take the stress away from you both’ regarding what should or shouldn’t be paid. ( This isn’t the exact reason but this makes it less personal). She may get highly defensive, as often happens. Once you make contact, they will inform the other parent so it’s best you speak first with them if you take this option. Once you have a figure, attained by accessing income and tax records for paying parent, you know what they can and should contribute. This also tells you something about the parent; what they are able to afford and CHOOSE not to by having someone else to take on their responsibilities for them.

    Being really nice and accomodating doesn’t always get you what you need. You can approach this in a warm, fair and non hostile way which works best for future relationships between you both and for the little one.  You aren’t doing anything mean or wrong by asking for someone to take responsibility for the life they created. 🙂



    #54862 Report



    I would try to talk calmly with her, asking to be reasonable and explaining there are needs.

    My expartner doesn’t contribute with anything for my son, plus I am 37 weeks pregnant. I didn’t do anything because I didn’t want to open a way for him to get my children

    Talk to her, and maybe with a lawyer? Your daughter has needs.

    I wish you all the best!

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