Single father close to breaking point

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  • #6558 Report

    Marr
    Participant

    I’ve been a single father to my 20month old daughter since July. My ex is suffering with depression and anxiety and for 4 months I did my best to support her and get her help to the detriment of myself. I stopped when she accussed me of hitting her in the stomach whilst pregnant.

    I’m seeing a solicitor as she is unrealiable and uncommunicative in regards to our daughter. The abuse is constant but I still try and be reasonable for the sake of her and my daughters relationship. It seems everything I do is in vain. The abuse esculates and becomes threatening.

    The only support I have is my mother as her parents have turned against me. I feel so isolated and unheard. I am at my wits end

     

    #6563 Report

    CastleDad
    Participant

    Almost a mirror image to my history accept you have a daughter and I have a son. I do not know if you are seeking advice or not but one thing I will mentioned now is breath deeply, chest out and be determined, do not get stressed. It will happen, but keep the stress to the minimum. Unless she is threatening you with physical abuse the rest is bluster. Meaningless twaddle. Take notes, keep a diary and you can get a very good, discreet recording device for less than £15 on eBay. Get one and use it when you come into contact with the ex. Do not say to anyone that you have a recording device, except your mother. It will protect you from any allegations she makes but also it will keep you calm when in contact with her.

    Unlikely you will get sole custody, unless she is a physical threat to your daughter, but you can get main career if you can show that your main life focus is your daughter.

     

    #6573 Report

    Jason77
    Participant

    Me too, I have just come through a year long legal battle for full custody my by daughter.  Happy to help/advise if I can.

    My ex also had very serious mental health issues, as well as other ‘problems’, totally agree it is difficult managing a young child on your own with hardly any external support.  Stay strong my friend, you are not alone… It does get easier.  🙂   For now it sounds like you are doing all the right things, agree with CastleDad’s point above, keep your motivation, determination and do not get emotionally drawn into things (which I know is difficult).

    In terms of likelihood of full custody it is really down to your circumstances and the evidence you have relating to this, for now I would strongly recommend keeping good notes about all interactions with your ex, how often you have her, things which have happened in the past which are relevant.  The detail is what is really important in court.  I found Social Services and CAFCASS really supportive, if you have them on-side it will really support your cause.

    Like I say, there are many out there with the same challenges and have come out of the other side better for it, try to stay positive (appreciate this is a challenge).

    #8322 Report

    Buzzimum
    Participant

    I cannot speak with any experience of the custody issue. All I can say is that the advice given by those above this post appears very reasonable. I wish you the best in resolving things to ensure your daughter remains happy, healthy and safe. You have an immense amount on your plate but you MUST stay strong, for your daughter. My son was 18months old when my husband (his dad) was diagnosed with terminal cancer. We had a wreck of a house, I had a full time job, a puppy and was then thrown into supporting my hub thro chemo. We lost him when my son was 2. 9 years later I am still here with an amazing son who is about to start big school. There were days I just wanted to ide under a duvet and not face the world, there were days when I did nothing but care for my boy and ve changed jobs more times than i care to count. Trying to balance all the balls. You can do it. That I know😊

    #8323 Report

    Buzzimum
    Participant

    Do not doubt yourself because of how you have experienced the relationship with your daughters mum. Try to focus on building a beautiful relationship with your treasured daughter and let your mum help you f you get off days. Don’t be too hard on yourself.

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