Single Dad Struggling with guilt
This topic contains 9 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by Anonymous 3 weeks, 5 days ago.
31 December 2019 at 8:14 pm #34691
So I have recently split with the mother of my 3yr old daughter. We originally split for a few months back in 2018 before getting back together. 2019 has been quite difficult as my mum has been poorly and work has been so busy. I found I had no support from my partner and in fact all I was getting was more stress. I’d had as much as I could take and I called a day on our relationship back in September.
I am now finding that I am completely guilt ridden and I get wave upon wave of emotion going through me.
I can’t even describe the guilt or pinpoint exactly what the reason is.
Are there others out there that have or have had the same feelings?31 December 2019 at 10:16 pm #34703
It’s New Year’s Eve. It’s difficult. Grieving for a lost relationship is normal.
Maybe you are remembering the good bits nostalgically and ignoring the bits when you didn’t receive the support you genuinely deserved? Can you ask someone you trust who used to see you both together? What do they think?
If you think you got it wrong, you could give your ex a call But leave it for another evening. 🍷1 January 2020 at 12:37 am #34709
There are a lot more factors to why we split but too many to list. I don’t feel guilty for taking myself out of a bad relationship. If my daughters mum put as much effort in to being supportive in the relationship as she did being difficult, moody etc then things may have turned out differently.
My conscience is completely clear on this. I did all I could to make things work but for some reason it was never enough. I didn’t just walk away at the drop of a hat. I gave my all for a long time but I didn’t get anything back.
I think what I feel guilty about is my daughter not having a normal family life. Although I have my daughter for half the week and we have a beautiful relationship I can’t seem to stop wave after wave of emotion running over me and that makes me so sad.
JJ, Thanks for dropping by and telling me to man up. I’m guessing that you’ve been on the receiving end of being dumped on. If so I’m sorry for you. My year has been incredibly difficult and I’m doing my best to work my way through it and reaching out to others in hope of some better advice to help me1 January 2020 at 10:42 am #34717
Yeah we’re not really supposed to be judging people on here Jessicajones. If you can’t say anything constructive then I would just ignore the post. Simple 😀
Dan I empathise. It is hard when you take a lot on with work and family members. Things do come up like that. Everyone needs a supportive partner and someone who is moody and difficult is hard to live with. I know from experience.
You can still be a great dad to your daughter even if you are not with her mum. Do you think there is a chance you can patch things up with your ex?1 January 2020 at 12:45 pm #34721
Im only guessing but your guilt is because you left a little one ? You didnt leave her. You left her mum. You took a step backwards and removed yourself from a situation which most definately wouldnt have helped her long term. Stay in her life and do all you can to remain there.1 January 2020 at 2:01 pm #34724
Dan, if it’s any help, I left my ex when our son was 3. The relationship had failed and so I moved me & son to a different town, got a job, found him a childminder and rebuilt our lives. Our son sees his dad every weekend for 9 hours. In fact he sees his dad more now than before because my ex has to make an effort.
Son is now 11. He can’t remember living with his dad and regards the current arrangement as completely normal because it is all he knows. The trick is to keep the arrangement regular. Kids like to know what to expect, they like routine that they can rely on. If you can manage that, don’t let her down and always be there when your daughter expects you to be there, she’ll be fine.1 January 2020 at 2:01 pm #34725
Hiya, Thanks for the messages and support. I already gave my ex two chances to change and for a while she did. But it didn’t take long and she slipped back in to her old ways. The guilt I feel is definitely over my daughter. In truth I probably stuck it out with my ex for longer than I should have because I thought it was the right thing to do for our daughter. I’m just struggling in kit being able to be there for my daughter 24/7 and it breaks my heart1 January 2020 at 2:13 pm #34726
That’s good to hear and reassuring.
I have my daughter for 3nights a week and every other weekend. My daughter loves our time together and is a happy girl. She is my main focus and the one who keeps me going ❤️