Single dad question

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  • #47386 Report


    Hi first time posting on this forum.

    I was a stay at home dad to my two children while my ex partner worked, we agreed to this as she was earning more than I did and it made sense for child care costs reason.
    I did the normal thinks that stay at home parents do( school drop offs, pickups, rhyme time for daughter and so on and so fourth.

    Then came the bombshell in 2017, she told me that it was best to separate as it was not working between us. We separated that year and I was homeless immediately. Stayed with my brother and sister while still commuting every morning to pick up my daughter Monday to Saturday which was 6 hour round trip by bus,usually getting home around 1 am because she would get back home late from work.
    At that time I was looking for a job  and found it  hard to get one as I had a gap on my cv even though I explained as I was full time  dad.
    luckily I found a job which I still doing.

    My ex has dated many guys who she often smuggled into the house while the kids were sleeping. None of these relationships worked.

    she has recently hooked up with a work colleague.Since the first lock down I have been working from home and picking up my daughter from school 3 times a week and pay my ex child maintenance. Of late she has been staying at her boyfriend overnight without letting me know and she would roll in at 7 am the next morning. I told her it’s unacceptable for her to be treating me as a child minder while she goes on dates. I have asked to get a child minder for her dates but she has told me to get one. Is this right guys.

    #47390 Report


    Hi. Sorry to hear about your situation. I can’t believe how many guys she is getting involved with! She shouldn’t even be introducing someone new in my opinion so soon as this is really unfair on the child. She sounds really selfish that she expects to put her dates before her child. I would never dream of doing that if I came across someone I wanted to date. I would do it in my own time as a good parent always puts their child before anyone else. But that’s just me! Sounds like you are doing everything you can to be involved as much as possible but you should not just be there for ur exes convenience. She’s being very unfair if u ask me

    #47392 Report


    Hi Bongo2390

    Thanks for your thoughtful words. I have mentioned that we get a nanny from next month as I will be unable to do most pickups from school. She went all defensive and said to me to find a nanny as she is soo busy to find one. It seems she does not want anything to interfere with her seeing her new guy as she has mentioned to me that Tuesday and Fridays are hers. I believe this is holding me back from moving on in my life. She has been going out with her work colleague for over seven months now and has invited him to her place on New Year’s Day. She asked me if I could come to which I declined.

    #47412 Report


    @Zak1886 She invited you over on NYD with her new bit….?! I find that very strange.

    Bongo is right, she should be putting your daughter first and is incredibly selfish.

    Yes we’d all like to do a little more for ourselves but that isn’t always possible with children in the picture.

    For her to dump your daughter off on you to see to whoever she has this month is irresponsible.

    I could never do that to my daughter. A man would have to be nothing short of Superman for me to bring him into her life!

    However, I’m sure your daughter will realise this. Especially as she gets older. Children aren’t stupid!

    I think you have done so well to date and have soldiered on despite the rocky road. I take my hat off to you.

    You are definitely not the one being unreasonable here.

    Just sort the nanny. At least you have the peace of mind knowing you’re picking one. I wouldn’t trust her with that job from what you have said!

    Good luck and let us know how it goes.

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