single dad At my wits end

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  • #18064 Report

    gareth1979
    Participant

    hi first time i posted on a forum like this ,im a dad of a 10 year old girl who i love deeply,i split with her mum when my girl was 2 and a half ive had her every other weekend and half the holidays ive not been to court  ive had a agrrement with her mother and used to get on better with her mum but last few years its not been so good and now have no communication with her mother at all ,im worried about my girl as she seems to be acting more and more selfish and sorry for the terminology but a bit like a chav the last year or so ,my duaghter is staying over with me tonight and came out with how she would punch another girl in the face ,im sorry to say i lost it with her and shouted at her quite badly as this is not how i want her to be ,she is  getting more and more selfish also and disrespctful of others in my family and towards me ,in truth i her mother is like this and comes from a wealthy family and has been spoiled which is after her cheating on me i finnally left her mum it was the hardest thing i ever had to do . my dad left my mum and didnt put much effort into my upbringing and i still suffer about it years later i know how it feels ,i feel like im a just a babysitter in her mums eyes ive tried reaching out to her last few years and knocked on her door a few months ago and refused to leave until we discusssed my girl as i was worried she was getting bullied at school she didnt want to talk   so isat onb her doorstep until she would ,her mum called the police and i found myself being esorted out of the area,shwes blocked me on the phone and because i left her she seems like she will always be angry at me and tries to alienate me and my family ,my daughter goies to a baby sitter three nights a week , i moved to her town and left  my busisness in london to be closer to my girl and would love to habe her three nights a week but her mum seems to think the babysitter is better for my girl as everytime i asked to have my daughter during a week day she made an excuse saying she had important appointments and couldnt stay with me i didnt know she was at the baysitter so much until recently when she called the police on me i wanted to discuss that also but she has stone walled me and is unreasonable althnough im just concerned she is with the babysitter and the baysitters  family more than me and cant understand why she thinks that is better for my girl even if the baysitter has three kids and i live alone i get she needs time with other kids but im her dad and think that time withme is important  ,i live five minutes away and am happy to pick her up its a small town and ive no friends and not much work here so its really only my girl im here for i want to leave but am damned if i do and damned if i dont really want to stay in her life unlike my dad who just vanished for years   ,im afraid my daugfhters behaviour is becoming like a bit of a bratts which upsets me alot as she has more than i ever did and shes my only child and i want her to turn out right  ,btw i dont drink or drugs and am single long term ,ive not as much monety as her mum and spend what extra ive got on my girl ,ive given her mum thousands in the last years but its seems to be pennies in her eyes ,ive never gone down the legal route and dont know if it will do any good as i still get to have her every other weekend ,i come to all her school plays butseems i only get to hear about it if her mum cant make it which also upsets me as i would like to go to more to show my girl support but like i said her if her mum cant make it i only get to hear aboyut it from my girl and i always attend hence .i feel like my girl is becoming more or more like her mum and has this selfish ungratful attitude her mother has always had even with her own parents who gave her everything a house a car etc ,its really hard watching my girl turn out like this as i dont want her to be in the same position as her mum being left by a man in the end because of this attitude ,its been like this for so long even my own family are sick of hearing about it and are not much help my only freind in the next town told me to leave andgo live my life as he sees my deppresed at times about it but i cant do what my dad do to me ,my daughter was unplanned and i was never married her mum is not from uk and used to black mail me that she would return to her home country with my girl which worried me for a few years but i see she is making too much money here to do that she earns alot cash in hand £30 ph and gets benifits and her life isw too good here so im not worries about this anymore ,my girl loves me and im good to her but finaciall cant compete with her mum anymore as i was out of work with a smashed knee for last year and and savings all went now im broke and her mums doing well ,i know im demonised as the babysitter in qeustion whos son goes to my girls school acts funny with me now when she used to be really nice i imagine she wondedrs why i dont have her three nights a week when i live so closebut instaed my girls at her house probably thinks i dont want her i feel like knocking on her door and telling her id love to have my girl three nights a week even just for a few hours but my ex would think i was making trouble and probably become more uncooperative ,i know im a good dad in truth it was never a dream of mine to be a family man but i love my girl and enjoy her company sorry if this post is a bit all over the place like i said its gone on so long none wants to hear it anymore so im posting here any thoughts advice opinions would be appreciated

    gareth

    • This topic was modified 2 years ago by gareth1979.
    #18068 Report

    TrevCarp
    Participant

    Hi bud, I have sent you a PM

    #18075 Report

    Julieem
    Participant

    Hi

    Sorry to hear all this you could try setting up a meeting with the school as they may have noticed a change in her that way you’ve got a mediator and then if there is a problem they can start the ball rolling with safeguarding and mediating so that your little girl gets a say in her life and what she wants

    hope this belps

    julie

    #18086 Report

    Mblessed18
    Participant

    Sorry to hear what you have to undergo. It’s a difficult thing sometimes when an ex partner decides to make life hard for you. My heart goes out to you. I can’t underestimate your pain and the struggle too. The bond between a parent and child is so real and it’s sad when one parent decide to make life harder with contact issues.

    if you have parental responsibility, you have  equal rights with your ex, try and seek advice at least so that you can find a way forward to having consistent contact with your daughter… she needs you as much as she needs her mum…

    am a mum of three and even though my breakup wasn’t easy, by God’s Grace I was able to ensure my kids had that contact as long as the dad was interested.

    i wish you and your little girl the very best.

     

     

     

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