Hi there, I’m new to this site but could some support from other single parents. I have a son who is 15 and lives with me as he didn’t want to live with his mum, we broke up when he was a baby. I also have a beautiful baby girl just 4 months old whose mother is a different woman and our relationship came to an end a month ago.
I know that we can’t be together, she suffers from insecurities and was convinced I was having affairs. Several times a month the allegations would fly around. We even had an open phone and iPad policy so she could check and reassure herself. However even innocuous comments on Facebook would send her into a frenzy of accusation. It got to the point that we couldn’t even walk down the street together without her insisting I was trying to pick up other women. I don’t think she’s very well really.
But it now our relationship has ended, it was too much, all the things she did I just kept forgiving and telling her it was ok, but it kept happening over and over again. Eventually even the ultimatums that I’d leave if she carried on became repetition. She’s changed how I feel about her… I just can’t trust her to not keep breaking up our lives with ridiculous fantasy.
So here I am, a single dad again at 40 and I just feel humiliated. So stupid for being in this position yet again. And really angry with my daughters mother for putting us through this so many times.
Now we have to try and navigate as single parents for the second time. I just don’t want it to be acrimonious or the emotional hell that it was with my sons mother. Any advice from people who have been here as well?
What I took from my 16year relationship when it ended was that it takes for both parents to be in place mentally where they’re ready to find a solution and work towards an amicable long term plan. The initial period was really difficult and still I have absolute minimal contact with my ex partner after 18months. For me, once the plan for contact was in place, then things started to settle down as i felt it was something I could plan our lives around whilst the children are with me. Mediation was helpful, as the mediator was able to spot unreasonable requests and quash them immediately, she certainly kept things on track. Again mediation will write/telephone your ex partner and invite them to attend at your request. I also felt absolutely pants following the separation, although I was really happy that I’d become strong enough to end the relationship (it’s been on the cards for years), I felt at 40 that I’d failed in so many aspects, primarily I felt I’d failed my children, but I ask myself would I prefer to be in the place I was 2years ago and the answer is absolutely not, so now I have a forward focus at all times. You have to ride the bad times to get to the good. I hope things are easier for you this time 😀 Just remember its prob difficult for both parties for different reasons