Single dad ,

Home Online forum Gingerbread Forum Single dad ,

This topic contains 10 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by  footymum 4 months, 2 weeks ago.

Viewing 11 posts - 1 through 11 (of 11 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #25124 Report

    Fulltimedad82
    Participant

    Hi , iam matt i work fulltime, iam a single dad to my son he is now 10yr ,raised him since a baby his mum is non existent in every sense has only seen him 3 times in his life as a baby  thats it crazy but thats life ha , i have full custody i have a job i have my beautifull boy i have my mum to look after him for me to work fulltime , but iam such an outgoing funny guy etc i love life but its always in my mind how repressed my situation makes me in everyway i love my son to bits i do everything for him in everyway , but i feel lost very very lonely i cant do anything for my self without guilt or asking for him to be looked after ie just going the gym for an hour etc , i would love a pat on the back a warm hug anything sometimes , everything i give my son i would love to feel back just once , i suppose how can we have the most precious thing in the world our children but feel so lonely as single parents , dating and meeting someone i cant wait oneday its been very difficult having my son like this it stops it really dating etc ie been single forever, i have i suppose put my life on hold for him , i dont know if my rambling lol has made any sense to anyone , but i just feel i go through life with not “firing on all cylinders ” i just live to get through life for my son , but deep down constantly i think iam my own person i want to live my life its not my sons fault its our situation but being  a single dad it has stopped my life for ten years if iam honest , iam tough i have worked my arse off to make sure he has the best and is loved beyond anything ,but iam not ashamed to say his dad has sat in tears many nights with loneliness and confusion , its the most rewarding but hardest job emotionally and in every other way i have ever know ,much respect to all of us that do it stay strong

    #25125 Report

    SoccerDad
    Participant

    I think your Son appreciates you and loves you more than you know, and he’ll appreciate you even more as he gets older, and you’ve done a hell of a job so far to give him a good life!

    Don’t feel guilty about wanting other things in your life, it’s understandable, and it’s never too late to get back on the bike. You have really looked after your son, so maybe it is time to give something back to yourself, even if just a bit of time for you – if you’re happier, he will be too!

    #25126 Report

    Blossom
    Participant

    Hi Matt,

     

    Your dedication and love for your son is beautiful he will grow up to be a fine young man. I feel as single parents we put so much pressure on ourselves to make sure they have everything as we are always aware of that missing part.

    If you are strongly feeling these emotions about yourself it’s time you started giving yourself some love and dedication, could you start building in some small things for yourself each day?

    Sounds like your mum is your rock and I’m sure she would be very happy to have your son for a few extra hours so you can have some free time or arrange a playdate and use that time purly to indulge yourself.

    In the meantime we are all here for you.

    Remember your amazing!

    #25136 Report

    GirlWithTheMostCake
    Participant

    Hi Matt,

    *hug*

    Huge respect to you for all you are doing for your boy. Totally get what you mean about loneliness. My son does see his dad every other weekend but I never go out anymore, no one to go anywhere with these days, my friends turned their backs on us when my son was diagnosed with autism. I tried online dating but I seem to attract narcissists and psychos so I steer clear now and, like you, I spend my nights in lonely tears. The weekends my son isn’t here I often don’t speak to another human being from Friday to Sunday. It is so incredibly lonely. Stay strong too, you’re doing a great job. X

    #25137 Report

    Liane
    Participant

    Wow ten.

    Double figures, the age of no return. Cool.

    How sad that his mum is not around. Ive been through so much with my 3, anything springs to mind.

    Your doing a great job and i bet your making your mum and son very proud.

    I admire you for being on here and wish you luck in the dating world. Maybe one day you’ll meet someone who can ease your mums job and complete your life.

    Good Luck

    #25462 Report

    Fulltimedad82
    Participant

    Hi thankyou to everyone that took the time to read and comment , was some lovely words and positive too , 😊  many thanks , matt

    #25830 Report

    BluebirdSue
    Participant

    Hi Matt

    I’m going through a similar situation but I have had a few bad relationships the last ten years. I’ve raised my son on my own since he was a baby (he’s nearly 13) I don’t want to talk about his dad, vile individual. I do have a job and I have been putting my son’s needs first which is what any good parent will do. But I have started doing more for myself. I go to classes and I buy stuff that I want and not spend it on toys for him. I pop out for a couple of hours by myself. I know your lad is too young to be left for that amount of time.

    This year I just realised I’ve forgotten who I was before I became a parent. But that free time really helped my anxiety about him getting older and me being single, again 😩

    I’m even taking part in a charity walk, another thing I’ve been holding off for years.

    My mum is really happy I’m doing nice things for myself and for my lad. I bet your mum would be happy to watch him those extra hours so you can do what YOU like 😀

    So what would you do if you had 2 hours for yourself???

    #25884 Report

    GAM19187
    Participant

    Hi Matt,

    Nothing much to add to what other have already said. Being a good parent is already difficult, let alone being a single one. It sounds like you are doing an outstanding job.

    Please remember that you are also a human being and you have your needs in every sense and that is perfectly normal.

    Children learn also from examples, showing your son he is your main priority has been your 10 years task, but personal wellbeing and self care is also a good lesson to teach. Go have a good time in whatever you want to do and come back to your boy with fully renovated energies.

    Take care.

    G.

    #25887 Report

    footymum
    Participant

    Yup. I get it. Similar boat here… I have 2 boys, one is 8 and the other is 2. My ex has been a shite dad ever since my eldest was born and we split up almost a year ago. I have full custody and he sees them one night a month. Being a single parent is amazing and yes you get all the more hugs and love, BUT it’s so hard on your own wellbeing sometimes. I love being a mum (it’s amazing!) but I also feel lonely and really struggle to get any time to myself. Usually in bed by 9pm most nights shattered and the only time I seem to speak to other adults is at work these days!

    You’re not on your own. In a selfish way I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels like this! I take comfort knowing someone else does (sorry!).

    As someone else said, hopefully we are setting a good example to our kids by putting them first all the time. It doesn’t help right now..in the moment…but hopefully one day they will appreciate all we’ve done for them and we will get our lives back whilst being an awesome parent at the same time! I’m sure they appreciate it now..but you know what I mean..X 🙂 take care and rant away! It’s good to rant!!

    #25888 Report

    SoccerDad
    Participant

    As my Daughter reminded me the other day….

    ”Dad, remember this – I’ll be the one who chooses your Care Home, so the nicer parent you are, the better it will be” 😂

    Nice to be written off at 43…!

    Joking aside, your kids will know the sacrifices you’ve all made for them when they get older, and the bond you have with them will be truly amazing – it will be worth it!

     

    #25889 Report

    footymum
    Participant

    Ha, thank you. That made me smile! I hope you’re right. It’s draining sometimes and I feel like because I’m so shattered I’m not the best mum I can be, you know.. ? I snap when I don’t mean to, maybe I’m not as much fun as when I had that extra pair of (albeit useless hands) to help out… I’m so much busier and don’t have all the time I want to spend with each kid, esp my oldest one who has always been used to all my attention.  Sometimes I think if I had more time to myself I would be more chilled and “better” in my head as I’d have that time to just relax and reflect.

    Ah well it is what it is! Mustn’t grumble… as you say…they will be funding our care home! 😉

    Thank you x

    Hope you’re feeling ok ‘fulltimedad82’ x

Viewing 11 posts - 1 through 11 (of 11 total)

Log in or register to reply to this thread

Log In Register