Single dad.

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  • #17277 Report

    SiVato
    Participant

    So hi everyone.

    I’m a single father to a 5 year old boy. He is my entire world and I have had him on my own now for nearly 4 years. His mum was basically selfish, telling me I should have told her to get an abortion. As soon as she could she cheated and left . Her contact with my son became less and less and then she moved abroad with her fella.

    I find life as a singles dad amazing and my son android have an unbreakable bond..

    Then one thing that does get me down is the ridiculous loneliness that I have to endure. I try to reach out to my so called friends but nothing works. I watch what would be my social life from a distance where all my friends and brothers and their kids are all invited to events but I don’t even get a courtesy invite. Honestly I feel like I could disappear tomorrow and no one would care.

    There also seems (to put it bluntly) to be **** all care or interest in single fathers. And it’s just insane being this lonely and forgotten.

    Sorry for the essay but hey

    #17284 Report

    SCS
    Participant

    6 months into a similar situation with my son who is about to turn 9, his mother left in April and was very selfish throughout the previous years of marriage culminating in walking out to live with her new toy boy. She had our son round once in September for 2 hours and a couple of times in October but I am effectively a single father now.  I work full time so do have some contact with other adults but agree with you on the lack of support, interest from others or social life, on the occasions we do go out to the normal array of school activities or play barns/farms etc. I often get unhelpful comments about being one of those useless weekend dad stereotypes.

    #17323 Report

    SiVato
    Participant

    Yeah I have tried, I want to say this without sounding like an chauvinist  But most of the single parent groups aren’t mostly mothers and to be honest I just don’t want to be around them that much. Its hard to explain but I’d rather talk with blokes about issue’s etc. On the flipside of that alot of mums don’t want single dads invading their “girly chats” etc and to be honest I don’t want to lol

    I have tried reaching out and telling my friends etc but it goes in one ear and out the other.

    Of course my son keeps me going and I wouldn’t change anything. Being his dad is amazing. But there is a point where I need adult conversation and to just hang out and be a guy for a while.

    #17325 Report

    RamonaFlowers
    Participant

    Hiya, have you tried meetup and seen if there are any single dad get togethers on there? Or even socialsing events. Do you have soneone to babysit your child? It might be good to go out to one of these social groups just to feel alive again. I know how loneliness feels and l wanted you to know that its a feeling and there is nothing wrong with you. Sometimes people are too preoccupied to pick up on  signs  of loneliness in others because they themselves may be dealing with their own issues. Go out there and make the first move with your mates. They might think you wont like being asked to come out especially since you are the sole carer for your son. X

     

    #17361 Report

    SiVato
    Participant

    Trust me I’ve tried with my mates. They know I struggle with depression and anxiety as do some of them and they have formed almost a small support group among themselves which I am not a part of. I used to be a big feature in their lives, bands  music projects, videos etc. But now it is like I don’t exist to them. My parents say I’m taking it personally but when I’m the only one left out it’s kind of hard not to see it that way.

    I’ve looked at meeting groups etc but it’s alot of single mums etc. And I just miss proper guy time……

    People have also suggested dating ago that they but I am ridiculously cynical of most people now and just don’t believe anything they say.

    I am possibly my own worst enemy

    #17370 Report

    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Push your old mates, whatever it takes and be thick-skinned with their replies, something will click in the end. Stay on social media, there’ll be events you can attend. Don’t worry about just turning up on your own. Something will happen.

    Otherwise, if you’re musical try joining a band, group, ensemble. That doesn’t have to be a big responsibility, many are pretty loose, comprising people in similar situations. If you’re struggling with depression get some support with that, go to GP, ask for referral to talking therapy.

    You’ve got no trust, and that’s hardly surprising, people can be terrible, uncaring and consumed by their own lives, but concentrate on yourself, have a go at finding the ones that aren’t. They’re out there.

    You’re right, there is no obvious support for single dads, many of us exist as shadows on the midweek school pickup if we’re lucky, zombies at family court if we’re not. You’ve got your son and he’s got you, the rest is certainly not easy, but definitely do-able with a bit of support. I wish you well, you’re not alone.

    #17499 Report

    Wanderer.
    Participant

    Sivato i just read a few words of your messages and i felt sad for you.

    Please know that not every single/ lone mother want to talk girlie stuff and women like myself see men as an equal parent. If you want to chat about cars and sports etc etc then please do feel free. I for one am not into faux fashion girlie girl chats and pretending to be someone I’m not. I’d rather have a decent chat with an adult who is real and has some depth,wisdom etc to share.

    Sorry your brothers & friends have hurt you this way. If you have spoken to them and they still act in such a manner then please don’t waste your precious time on them. Make new friends & chat with others in your situation. Lone parenting is hard but can be so rewarding.

     

    Take care.

    #17509 Report

    TrevCarp
    Participant

    I am in the process of starting up a single dads club. for exactly the same reason.

    My 4 year old son came to live with me last year full-time, then June this year I broke up with my partner.  I was like a rabbit in the headlights, not having a clue what was out there for me. The biggest issue I found was my life was amazing because it was all for my son, but once he was asleep, the loneliness set in, there was no one out there to talk to, I once was so low, I telephoned the samaritans, as the only service that was available. I felt so guilty telephoning the samaritans as someone far more needing may need their help.

    I have learned more than anything this year is the only way to be the best father for my son, is to take care of myself too.

    If you ever need anyone to chat with, I love to chat with you SiVato or any other single dad.

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