Single Black mother Brighton and Hove isolated by parents
30 September 2021 at 3:43 am #60312
Hi im a single mother of a mixed race girl who is 6.
when she started reception she seemed to be tge odd one out of the class as she had not known any of the children from nursery. It seems as though the class parents were in cliques so i made friends with the only other black mother in our class and it seems thats when my trouble began.
my daughter was still trying to make friends but no parent would talk to me i don’t know why but they wouldn’t. They would talk to the other black mum tho which made me believe it was the divide and conquer scenario. So i backed off only to discover that my daughter was now being painted as this bully because she got close to another kid who already had a friend from nursery but the other kids mum didn’t like that.
so the rumours ensued and i became aware of this when people who would normally say Hello now looked at me with disgust!!
i had no idea what was going on anyway fast forward to year one and all the kids my daughter became close to (minority) moved out of the area the parents didnt like it there at all. My black mum friend moved away too and then thats when my daughter started telling me how she was always being excluded by the other children.
they would organise class gatherings and i would be too afraid to take my kid because most of the parents are not even receptive to her a group of Spanish and Polish parents have decided that my daughter does not belong.
she made a friend but of course the kid was white so the white mums tactfully made that girl a part of their group. And now my kid has no body i dont even know whats wrong with my daughter? I get mad at her and shout at her because this is killing me why do people hate me and my child soo ******* much we have done nothing wrong to anyone.30 September 2021 at 9:17 am #60566
Hey. Im so sorry and angry you and your daughter are experiencing this. Parent politics and cliques are horrendous at the best of times and it’s not fair that you are experiencing this. I have been victim of cliques too but not to this extent and all I can say is how I got through was to check in with the teacher and find out what they saw in class, express concerns regarding my son and keep an eye on things ( he was being bullied, excluded) and gauged with him every day scale of 1-10 how was today, who did you play with, what was good not so good to have a baseline and be able to talk and look at solutions if situations escalated. I also made sure that he had things to do so he could try and form friendships outside school too. When I went to the school, I also looked out for parents that seemed on their own and weren’t part of the clique and found one that over time and talking she had had similar problems and her son had been bullied too so it helped that we could talk and support each other. There are also family liaison officers at school so you could speak to them and I also decided to go to a few parents forum meetings to get to know some of the other parents and talk about issues that concerned me and ask how they were being dealt with….. I think also the school needs to be aware as this could be more serious in terms of culture and if there is any bullying, discrimination, racism involved they would be expected to deal with it. Good luck and take care. Not all parents are like this. I make a beeline for new parents to the area now if I see them in the playground and introduce myself and welcome them as I hate cliques and exclusion.30 September 2021 at 12:19 pm #60574
I really feel your pain. On a different scale I am feeling something similar. My child started a new school mid year. A small village. The kids were very well established already. He was doing ok at first and seems popular. He has some quirky behaviour.and is very loud which in a small village setting doesn’t always go down well. I now feel extreme bad vibes from other parents, my child says he has been excluded by other kids. I feel paranoid and like a gibbering wreck now inside and this ain’t me. I’m friendly and confident around people usually. Watching some mum’s cackling and being very fake ( this isn’t me either), it is very painful. It’s just my son and I which makes this even more agonising.
I really don’t have any advice. I believe it must be so rubbish feeling your race is being used as a part of all this. We are white but we are definitely different from the cliques in various ways. I feel so sick over it I have been getting frustrated with my son over what he is doing. It’s not the best way to approach this but we are only human. Stand on the periphery and just wait. That’s what I am doing. I won’t even go out my way to be super chatty any more. Hugs to you xx30 September 2021 at 7:23 pm #60581
I was tallest at school and had problems make frirnds myself resulting now im single mother. Best to forget it and find her clasess of something she can do in future like modeling if she likes peoole or drawing if is silent or dance if good at sport.