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  • #44806 Report

    dogslife
    Participant

    I separated from my husband just before lockdown after he blew up at my eldest and tried to throw her out and I’m so relived that we did separate then, if we had been together through lockdown this it would of ended up worse.

    I’m now going through the battle of divorce, him expecting to get 50/50 custody of our daughter and the financial horror that goes with it all.

    I feel so lonely and desperate, I don’t really have that many close friends and I don’t want to burden my family with it all but right now I’m scared as to what will happen with our daughter. He hasn’t been a good dad before the split and he’s only looked after our daughter when it’s been convenient to him since. I’ve done all the home schooling whilst still working full time from home but none of this seems to be taken into consideration. I will be constantly worried for her care if she does have to go for overnight stays with him.

    #44843 Report

    Shepherdess
    Participant

    Hey just checking up on you to see if you are ok . Have you sought any advice ? How old is your daughter . Happy to have a chat , lend a friendly ear ๐Ÿ˜Š

    #44844 Report

    cara.flannex
    Participant

    Hi there, i’m in a similar situation. I would get some advice from a solicitor (half hour free) or speak to Citizen’s Advice. Some times just talking to someone who can help get these things in order, will take some of the weight off your mind.

    Or get in touch if you fancy a chat or want to rant.

    Take care

    #44921 Report

    dogslife
    Participant

    Thanks @shepherdess and @cara.flannex for replying

    I’m am going through everything with a solicitor but it’s all so daunting and costly ๐Ÿ™

    My daughter is 8 and she’s such a happy little thing but I have noticed that she can be very huggy recently and occasionally asks to sleep in my bed which I didn’t mind at first as it felt reassuring for her after her Dad had left but now I try to distract her from doing it and making her room cosy and her own private get away.

    Hopefully things will get better soon

    #45508 Report

    Renata L
    Participant

    I am sorry that you found yourself in such a situation. Do not be afraid to ask your relatives for help, I am sure they will support you.
    I’m sure everything will get better soon.

    Write, if you need help, you are not alone.

    #45509 Report

    warwickshire1
    Participant

    What contact your ex would get would depend on your childs age. Its unlikely he would get 50-50 but its definitely best trying to reach agreement rather than go to court. Depending on your daughters age she may have some say in this also. It is highly likely your ex partner would get overnight contact

    #45554 Report

    dogslife
    Participant

    Quick update on my situation!

    My solicitors have said that it’s highly likely that the courts would say 50/50 care which seems ludicrous considering his behavior. Do I risk it going to court or do I give in to his demands. I’ve already giving in to his demands on the financial buyout. I might be getting the house but I really feel like I’m coming out of it all worse off.

    With my daughter only being 8 I’m hoping that she won’t have to get dragged into it all and be made to pick who she want’s to live with.

    #45843 Report

    Home_Alone
    Participant

    Hi dogslife, I would take what warwickshire1 is saying with a pinch of salt. I had a 50/50 shared residency agreement arranged with my ex with our now 7 1/2 year old that was made into a child arrangements order. It’s been in place now since 4 years of age. We worked tirelessly and had our disagreements. In the end we worked it out because we put what was in the best interest of our child and not what was best for either of us.

    Ask yourself, does your daughter love her father? Does her father love her?

    All children need both parents in their life.

    There is no solicitors in this world that will put what is best for their client/child, they will only do what’s best for them to make money.

    Give Child Law a ring.

    You can draw aย  mutual agreement up together.

    If you need any pointers, just ask.

     

    #45881 Report

    dogslife
    Participant

    Thanks @Home_Alone it sounds like that sort of agreement worked for you and that’s great! Unfortunately it’s not just about whether there is love, it’s about me wanting to know that my daughter will be safe and looked after. He didn’t actively join in with family life when we lived together so I can’t see him doing it when he lives alone.

    He said he loved my eldest daughter and that he would always treat her as his own until things got hard, she hit teenage years and he stepped away ‘I don’t have anything in common with her’, ‘I don’t know her friends, so why should I try and talk to them?’ ‘She doesn’t respect me so why should I respect her’ And then when he physically tried to throw her out because of one small argument and I had to step in and got bruised in the process, you might understand why I’m slightly concerned.

    I’m not disputing in anyway that my youngest needs her father in her life but she needs a father that’s going to look after her and be active in her life even when it gets tough and teenage years hit

    #45898 Report

    Home_Alone
    Participant

    Teenage years are testing for every family, there would be something seriously wrong if there weren’t!

    If he doesn’t have the chance then how will you know. You said in the oast he never joined in family life, maybe this could be his Chance. Its a tough call. ๐Ÿ‘

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