should I / should’nt I

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  • #62241 Report



    I am seeking some advice really, will be wee bit of a read though…. so after leaving quite a argumentative relationship I made the decision to leave my ex partner several years ago, I made the decision to live in a rented room so I could afford maintenance to her etc. and so I could afford to actually drive and see my daughter each weekend.  Skip forward a few years and after meeting a lovely lady and moved in with her I received  a call from Social Services that my child’s mum had picked her up from school drunk, police got involved and to cut a long story short mum was drinking heavily (which is what was causing the arguments with me in the first place…)  My daughter has been living with me for 2 years since then.  She is 10, I did not move her school as her friends were there despite it been a 40 minute drive there and back each day.  Her mum has (most of the time) presented herself sober so I have drove my daughter over there on a Saturday to sleep till Sunday and all has been ok.  My question is my daughter has a week residential away next year, I am trying to budget  For it, but it is expensive but I do not want her to miss out.  Her mum pays no maintenance as she is on UC and she says she would loose her house if I made her pay maintenance, so to save money would you ask your ex to pick your child up by bus? taxi? if they are on UC? I am just trying to save a few pounds each week at the moment…

    #62242 Report

    Andrew uk

    I don’t know, sorry, but surely if she wants to see her then she needs to come up with a way of collecting her. Maybe meet halfway for a drop off and collection? I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect her to help with the arrangements. As for the residential, is it through school? There will be a hardship fund. Email the Head confidentially etc and explain the situation. Offer to pay part if the cost. No child should be stopped from going because they can’t afford it. “Everyone else is going, why aren’t you?” etc. I would approach school. I’m not suggesting if one can’t go then none can go but….

    #62248 Report


    Hi she wouldn’t lose her house if she was paying maintenance while on UC! If you were to make a claim through cms she would be calculated to only pay £7 a week no where near the amount u need to help raise your daughter but equally not an amount that would cause her to lose her house! So I would apply to cms anyway she is responsible wether on UC or not and i know it’s a measly amount but it’s better than nothing and if she doesn’t pay u it they can take it straight from her UC.

    As for the expense of the residential trip I would try and speak to the school some schools have family support workers that can mabye help u find all or part of this trip or point u in a direction of help.

    don’t put pressure on yourself about this trip as hard as it is u dont want her to miss out  I understand! some NRPs don’t realise that these expenses are hard on the PWC it’s not just food/living costs clothes raising kids. U sound like u are a good parent with your daughter a priority, start a cms claim and speak to the school and hopefully both together can take a small bit of pressure of your shoulder.


    #62259 Report



    with CMS and UC, they would only make her pay £7 a week if she is not working and receiving 100% in UC. If she is working part-time and UC amounts reduce regularly, then CMS would assess her on the income she receives and calculate monthly maintenance payments. other issue is if your not getting Child benefit in your name, then CMS may not be interested and think child lives with mother. 40 mins drive to pick up kids is not bad. mine is usually 30 mins drive, but easily becomes horrid 1 hour journey if theres roadworks!

    #62309 Report


    hello Daddyto1,

    I suppose your child is entitled to free school meals. If so, the school gets a so-called “pupil premium”, app. 400£ per year which can should be spent to enable children from poorer households to keep up with their better of peers. Experience tells me, if the school is approached directly and asked to contribute for school trips, duke of Edinburgh or similar, for a child for whom they receive the pupil premium, you can get them to do so. This is of course in the school’s digression. But usually worth the effort.

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