Should I force contact between children and their father?
22 July 2019 at 8:32 pm #28179
Complicated situation where my children aged 6 & 8 (7 & 9 in Oct), really do not like their dad. This is an ongoing situation, even when he lived with us due to his unemotional , name calling and general un understanding personality. When he moved out boys were happy. Since then I have made them see him with me supervising as such so there is still contact. This has resulted in them seeing a councillor due to them becoming very upset/angry and generally unhappy. My ex is oblivious and thinks the boys should see him as he’s their father and they should basically get over it so to speek as they have a problem. He knows they will not go with him willingly. He now wants to goto mediation to help move their relationship forward. They do not have a relationship, any bond and boys do not miss him at all.
Any ideas or advice on what I should do or how to proceed. I have the councillor saying don’t made them.see him and the solisitor saying keep contact so I’m caught un the middle between moral and legal!
Helen23 July 2019 at 3:12 am #28190
Your ex is arrogant to think he can treat children like that and expect them to tolerate him.
Could you organise contact at an activity that your children like, maybe pre-booked bowling or cinema so they are busy and then have something obvious to talk about.
Have you tried pointing out to your ex that mediation only works if people are prepared to change. Children don’t have a duty to endure bad parenting. He needs to understand he will lose his children if he doesn’t soften.
If that fails, I’d pass on the advice from the counsellor, and say No.23 July 2019 at 7:14 am #28191
We did try cinema but he said it wasn’t good enough as not interacting. We tried bowling but he kicked off and made boys really upset as blamed oldest for stoppimg youngest from going with him so they won’t go anymore. I suggested zoo, animal.places mcds but now all he says is wjats the point as they dont talk to me (they talk to say leave me alone or go away, wont even say bye now for me). We see him at our bungalow which is being sold. I weed and boys just hang around. We moved out due to ex kept popping in and this upset boys so much and they were scared to be there so we now live with my parents.
It’s a heartbreaking horrible situation. I know he is upset and generally loves them just totally clueless as to why they dont , even tho for yrs was told what not to do but ignored me and them!
I really have no idea how it will improve except over time if they want it to as you can’t make them want to know him?
I’m scared he’ll take me to court.23 July 2019 at 2:08 pm #28212
Have you tried writing to him, explaining why his children don’t want to be with him. In short bullet points – name calling, controlling, no fun, bullying etc. Give a real example of each. Would it being in black & white when there is no-one around to blame make him think more?
Could you try going out in a group with some family from your side? Do you have a sister you can trust to understand the issue. Would your ex find the presence of other adults enough to keep him in line?
If he takes you to court, he’ll have to go to mediation first, which he’ll hate because you’ll be able to explain the problem and show the counsellor’s advice. The mediator should then ask him how he’s going to meet his children half way…..
A horrible problem. ☹️23 July 2019 at 2:52 pm #28226
The boys and me have tried telling him ourselves. I thought maybe I’ll suggest him.going to the councillor with me so they can also tell him!!
Unfortunately I dont have any family, I have friends, he has family but it would be very awkward. His view is its between me and him, no one else.
Half way would be good. I’ve never done mediation so maybe it might he a good thing!
Thank you v much for helping xx