Should I allow my child’s father to see child?

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  • #58308 Report

    Sarah
    Participant

    Hi everyone this is my first post. It’s a long story but I have a controlling ex who I have a 6 year old with, I’ve had to move home because of his abusive behaviour he’s done some nasty things to me but lived just doors away with his parents with my sons school being at end of street too it didn’t seem possible at that time to stop him seeing our son living on his doorstep. Also I hoped he would be ok with our son and it was just me he had a problem with not that I deserve any of it I didn’t. When I see him he looks puffy from drinking he’s unpredictable in mood he has a personality disorder and has swore in front of our son and my son knows words like **** because he’s called it me to our son. I work and he doesn’t he has our son when I’m at work but otherwise I’m trying to limit him having him as much. I think sometimes my child acts like him I fear him having similar problems or the exposure to his dad making him mixed up. His dad is a misogynist, my son says things like pinks for girls, boys can’t kiss boys . He’s teaching him to fear spiders just because he does. Obviously that’s just what I find out I worry in case there’s all sorts being said to him. Do these things matter? When he has our son he doesn’t say no to him let’s him stay up late and even though I need a break it’s harder when he comes home because he’s harder work. So I’m trying not to let him go unless it’s for my work it’s difficult in summer holidays. My son is really hard work around my partner’s little girl constantly tell tales and never hardly happy and days out are a test of endurance I don’t know if this is normal for a spirited 6 year old or if it’s because of his dad but my son acts spoiled and I haven’t spoiled him. I’m really confused even considering giving up work so I don’t have to depend on my ex . Does anyone know of any parent classes I would like to learn do much more I feel out of my depth at times I don’t want to get it wrong my son is too important to me I’m also scared of my ex when I finally got away from him he tried to kill him self and it was so traumatic.

    • This topic was modified 3 weeks, 5 days ago by Sarah.
    #58319 Report

    Vintagedresser
    Participant

    Someone said this to me once…a child needs both parents, my answer yo them was really because I had 2 and I wanted to die until I escaped, my neighbour had 1 and she is now a chemist with a family and holidays whenever she wants. You may want to think about escaping this before what he says starts taking hold. It’s all about quality not quantity hun 🙂❤

    #58321 Report

    JBLA
    Participant

    Hey hun,

    I agree with Vintagedresser, he doesn’t need to be around. It’s clearly having a negative impact on your son & home. Problem with abusers like him is they can gaslight you into thinking it’s your fault or responsibility. there is no work around i’m afraid. either he works on his issues or no matter what you do it likely wont make a difference. It’s not unusual for abusers to continue their abuse after you have left them, or to weaponize the kids. Might be worth getting back in touch with womens aid who can help you work out the best options as the harmful effects are on-going, your still somewhat dependant and it’s obviously having a huge impact on your little dude!

    best classes i can recommend is Pat Cravens freedom programme online – hope this helps xx

    The Freedom Programme. Learn about domestic violence and abuse

    its not your fault. you don’t owe him anything, you can live free from his abuse … well done for getting this far 🙂

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