Hi, We split up 3 years ago after my ex husband had an affair! He works shifts and I have worked around these since the beginning. It’s approx 60/40 shared care. But he has recently changed rota and now instead of a 5 week pattern it’s going to a six week pattern. He is demanding that he has the kids on every single one of his days off plus a couple of other nights after his earlies.
Currently he has them for 3 weeks, 2 nights (that’s cause it’s his only days off) then the other two weeks it’s 50/50. They way it works out he has them for 2 weekends in a row and I have them for 3 in a row (not ideal but works around his shift pattern). What he’s proposing is that he has them on his days off which works out that he has them for 3 weekends (fri-mon) in a row (one of those weeks i would only see them 2 nights mid-week. I work full-time as a teacher so don’t do shifts. This basically means he never has a day off without kids or work and I have to have 6 days in total with no work no kids and no quality time with them due to the fact I have them through the week and at work too.
I don’t believe this is reasonable or fair on the kids (for quality time with me their mum)! Yes, I have them 3 weekends in a row (minus one Friday night) but that is only because he is at work those weekends. In an ideal world it would be alternate weekends or share half weekends but because of his shifts he doesn’t want to do this! Instead we have to work around his shifts and he enjoys all his days off with our kids and I just have to fit in around this. He also manages to go on all school trips and has them teacher training days/voting days cause I’m at work then too.
I have started mediation but just wondered if anyone got any advice or have had a similar experience. He sees them on all special occasions and takes them for weeks hol at Easter and in summer too. So I have been more than fair with his contact. Surely this is not a fair way of splitting the kids time up and he needs time to himself some days like I have to have on my weekends when he’s off work? Please help 🙂
Sorry should of said the kids are 10 and 7, they are happy spending time at his but my daughter returns home with a very poor attitude to me so clearly struggles with the transition from home to his and back again, there is a lot of going backwards and forwards and his new suggestion means even more of this!
Thanks for your reply. I have his shift pattern that I could email you if that would be ok? Are you just a parent or someone with professional knowledge? We pretty much do what you have said re Xmas Easter and summer (he takes away 10 days and I do too) then work around his shifts rest of time as he won’t get it off.